Starbase Rises: Elon's Texas Town Ascends, But Is It Reaching Too Far?

A New Kingdom Rises?

Right let's dive in. Seems Elon's been busy not just dodging asteroids but building his own little fiefdom down in Texas. Starbase as they're calling it – a name that lacks a certain... 'ancient tomb' vibe if you ask me – has officially become a city. And who's running the show? Why SpaceX employees naturally! A clean sweep unopposed victories all around. I suppose in this day and age if you want something done properly you have to do it yourself no? Not unlike raiding tombs come to think of it. But instead of avoiding traps to get the treasure they avoid opposition to get the city. The measure passed with 212 votes for and a measly six against; hardly a nail biting race was it? They only needed 143 votes anyway; talk about overkill!

The Usual Suspects

Our newly appointed mayor is one Bobby Peden a SpaceX veteran. Alongside him are commissioners Jenna Petrzelka and Jordan Buss also card carrying SpaceX members. Makes you wonder if the city council meetings will involve discussing rocket trajectories instead of potholes. And who can blame them? Potholes are such a bore compared to the vast expanse of space or a lost relic... or even a powerful relic! Musk who seemingly has a hand in everything these days started scooping up land a decade ago. All for the glorious mission of... building rockets that occasionally explode spectacularly. At least it makes for a good light show eh? Though I prefer my explosions to involve a bit more ancient dynamite and a lot less environmental damage. Then again everyone has their preferences.

Kaboom!

Ah yes the explosions! Because what's a good space program without a few fiery mishaps? Apparently Starship's first integrated launch ended with a rather… dramatic mid air disassembly. Very flashy but not exactly eco friendly. Reminds me of the time I accidentally triggered a booby trap in Egypt. Let’s just say the locals weren't thrilled about the sudden sandstorm. But at least that didn't pollute any waterways! The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service reported a 3.5 acre fire and regulators have been slapping SpaceX with fines for Clean Water Act violations. Seems someone needs to brush up on their environmental responsibility and perhaps their respect for the natural world. One does not simply plunder without consequence right?

Environmental Tribulations

And of course no good deed (or ambitious space venture) goes unpunished. Environmental advocates and indigenous groups are none too pleased filing lawsuits over habitat damage and endangered species. Traffic noise explosions – sounds like a typical Tuesday for me but I suppose the local wildlife isn't as used to it. They argue that SpaceX’s activities are causing real harm. And let's be honest they have a point. Even I with my penchant for raiding ancient tombs try to minimize collateral damage. Mostly. Though sometimes a few priceless artifacts do end up… slightly rearranged. Ah well can't make an omelet without cracking a few sarcophagi can you?

Building the Future One Explosion at a Time

SpaceX naturally hasn't commented directly. But the StarbaseTX account chirped on X (formerly known as Twitter what is it with these eccentric names?) about building the best community for the 'men and women building the future of humanity's place in space.' Ambitious to say the least. But I must say sometimes you need to aim high. After all 'We all make choices. But in the end our choices make us'. Although I think next time I'll leave the rocket science to the scientists and stick to exploring ancient ruins. Far less likely to get fined by the EPA and there's better loot believe me.

The Verdict?

So what's the takeaway? Musk gets his company town SpaceX gets more control and the environment… well let's just say it might need a hug. It's a bold move creating a city dedicated to space exploration. But as I've learned from my adventures with great power comes great responsibility. And a whole lot of ancient booby traps. Here's hoping Starbase manages to navigate the environmental challenges as deftly as I navigate a collapsing temple. Wish them luck; they'll need it. Now if you'll excuse me I have a feeling I'm going to explore Starbase. It would be interesting to raid their facilities but for journalistic purposes of course!