Trump's Debt Collection: Time to Blow Up the Piggy Bank! (Or Maybe Just the Government)

Pow Pow's Take on Pesky Payments!

Ugh so they're squeezing you guys dry again huh? Trump's back on the student loan hunt! Looks like everyone's gonna be a little less "shiny" and a lot more "broke." Wage garnishments tax returns snatched... even their grubby hands are reaching for Social Security! What's next are they gonna start taking candy from babies? Oh wait... that's kinda fun actually. Remember rules are made to be broken... like piggy banks am I right?

Spillover? More Like Splatter over!

Apparently some fancy pants researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York are worried about a 'spillover effect.' Oh you mean like when I 'accidentally' spill my explosives all over the Piltover Bridge? They're saying if you gotta pay those loans you can't pay your credit card bills! Duh! Who needs credit when you have chaos? It's like they just discovered water is wet. So predictable! "During the period where people were not required to make payments on their student loans they could have used that money to pay their credit card bills and auto loans," the researchers said. "Now they have to make these payments again on their student loans so that could put pressure on their ability to pay these other loans." No cap.

Billions Vanishing? Sounds Like a Good Heist Opportunity!

The U.S. Department of Education is gonna yank billions out of your pockets! Billions! That's enough to buy like a million rockets! Or maybe just one REALLY big one. I bet they're gonna use it to fund like another statue of that boring Jayce guy. Ew. But hey maybe this is a good thing. Less money more motivation for... creative solutions? Like borrowing is bad but robbing is good right?

Something's Gotta Give... and It's Probably Your Wallet!

Ted Rossman from Bankrate says 'Something's gotta give.' Yeah like your wallet your sanity and maybe your hair. (Mine's naturally blue so I'm good.) Apparently people are racking up credit card debt 'cause of student loans. What did they think? Money grows on trees? Oh I wish. Then I'd blow those trees UP! Maybe with some fishbones... for flavor.

The On Ramp to Ruin!

So for a while nobody had to pay their loans because of... cough cough... some silly old pandemic. But now the party's over! Matt Schulz from LendingTree moans 'It's just money that can't go to other financial things.' Yeah like rockets tattoos and giant mechanical sharks! Priorities people! Why pay for education when you can learn everything you need to know from blowing stuff up? Remember being good is boring.

Delinquency Spikes? Time for a Joyride!

The New York Fed found that delinquency rates for student loans have SPIKED! Almost 8% are 90 days past due! That's like a LOT of people not paying! They're calling it a 'transition.' I call it a chance for some good ol' fashioned chaos. Maybe I should start a student loan relief fund... funded by robbing the rich of course! Who's with me?