Pow-Pow Panic at the Fed! Will They Cut or Will They Explode?!

The Fed's Being a Big Baby!

Ugh so the Fed's having a meeting right? Like anyone actually knows what they're talking about! Apparently they're gonna blab about interest rates and tariffs and all that boring grown up stuff. Word on the street (aka my voices) is they might cut rates might not. Who even knows? It's all just numbers and nonsense! Why can't they just blow something up for once?!

Dot Plot? Sounds Like a Terrible Game!

Apparently there's this thing called a 'dot plot' where these super serious peeps scribble down what they think is gonna happen. Ooooh spooky! Last time they thought they'd slash rates twice this year. But get this if like two of 'em change their minds it's all gonna change! Talk about indecisive! I'd trust Fishbones to aim better than these guys make decisions!

Trump's Yelling at the Fed (As Usual)

Oh and of course the orange guy is yelling at the Fed to cut rates. Like they're gonna listen to him! He probably thinks 'interest rate' is a flavor of ice cream. Meanwhile there's some scary stuff happening in the Middle East that could mess with everything. So basically chaos all around! Just how I like it!

Unemployment: Low! Inflation: Meh!

So the job market's still kinda okay and inflation's like whatever. Tariffs haven't made things super expensive yet which is kinda boring. Some ex Fed dude said we're in a 'disinflating world.' Sounds like a disease! I bet Fishbones could cure it with a rocket!

September Mayhem?!

Rumor has it they might make a big decision in September. Like a whole YEAR after they last did something crazy! That's like a million explosions away! Goldman Sachs (whoever they are) thinks they'll stick to their two cut plan but only actually do one. So much for excitement!

Wait and See? More Like Wait and SNORE!

Basically everyone's gonna sit around and wait to see what happens. BORING! They'll update their guesses for jobs prices and how much stuff we make. Someone said they'll 'maintain their wait and see posture.' Seriously who talks like that? I need to find these people and give them a good SHOOTING!