Is the Stock Market Going BOOM! Or Bust? Jinx's Guide to Not Blowing Up Your Savings!

Rules Are Made to Be BROKEN... But Not Your Bank Account!

Ugh investors am I right? So serious! Tom Hulick some CEO dude from Strategy Asset Managers is all like "Be patient!" and "Wait for clarity!" on trade stuff. Pfft boring! But fine fine. He says stick to high quality dividend stocks. Dividend...sounds like something Powder would say. Whatever. Hulick thinks we can 'manage through' all this blah blah with 'discipline and optimism.' Discipline? Optimism? Those words aren't even in my vocabulary! But if you wanna play it safe...maybe listen to him? Just a little? Maybe? Don't tell anyone I said that.

Goldman Sachs? More Like Goldman SCHMUCKS! (According to Me!)

Okay so Goldman Sachs had a good week. Big whoop! Hulick's giving them a side eye cause they're gonna have trouble. Apparently. Something about 'trade tensions' and 'global M & A softness.' Sounds like a headache to me! But hey their stock's up a bit. If you're into that kinda thing. But I prefer things that go BOOM! Not…boring banks.

JPMorgan? Not As Bad As The Rest!...

Hulick likes JPMorgan better. Says their earnings are 'very strong solid'. I don't even know what that means! Strong AND solid? Pick a word! Anyway apparently they're less likely to explode if the world goes belly up. Safer than Goldman Sachs which I think is good? I don't know safer isn't exactly my area of expertise. "Questions questions that need answering!"

Chevron: Oil Gas and...Dividends? Sounds Greasy!

Now we're talking! Chevron! Oil and gas! BOOM potential! Plus they have this thing called a 'dividend yield' of 5%. Which apparently means they give you money just for owning their stock. What?! Okay I'm listening. Hulick says they're stable and have 'cash flow'. And they've been increasing dividends for 38 years! "I'm back baby!" Alright Chevron you might be alright. For now.

PulteGroup: Snooze Fest Alert!

Ugh PulteGroup. Hulick's not buying. Something about them needing interest rates to go down. Sounds like a bunch of complicated grown up stuff. He says their earnings were 'very very strong' (two verys!). But the stock is too dependent. Pass. Wake me up when something explodes.

Pro LIVE? More Like Pro Boring!

Oh great CNBC's throwing a party at the New York Stock Exchange. They're calling it 'Pro LIVE'. Wanna go? Me neither. Sounds like a bunch of people in suits talking about...whatever boring stuff people in suits talk about. But hey if you're into that kinda thing knock yourself out. I'll be busy making things...more interesting! "Ta ta! And remember sanity is overrated!"