Founders Fund Raises a Whopping 4.6 Billion! Is This Enough to Stop the Covenant?

Wake Me When You Need Me... to Invest!

Alright Spartans listen up. Founders Fund just locked down a colossal $4.6 billion for late stage ventures. That's a lot of credits even by UNSC standards. Apparently Peter Thiel and his squad—Napoleon Ta and Trae Stephens—managed to convince 270 investors to cough up the dough. They're calling it Founders Fund Growth III. Makes you wonder if 'Growth I' and 'Growth II' were just training simulations. I've faced worse odds rescuing Cortana. Speaking of which someone remind me to check if she's got any investment tips.

From PayPal to Palantir: A Spartan's Guide to Investments

Thiel's been around the block from PayPal to Palantir and even threw some early cash at Facebook. Now they're backing the big boys: Airbnb Stripe Affirm and Elon Musk's SpaceX. And let's not forget Anduril the defense tech company cooking up gadgets that make even my Mjolnir armor look like a paperclip. Someone get me a piece of that action. I heard Anduril is talking about a $28 billion valuation. I've seen lower prices on Covenant cruisers.

No I.P.O.? No Problem!

The article drones on about the IPO market being dead. Apparently some guy named Trump announced tariffs that spooked the market. Klarna StubHub Chime all running scared. Honestly sounds like the Covenant showed up. But Founders Fund has so much cash they don't care. They're playing the long game like waiting for the perfect moment to plasma grenade a Hunter. SpaceX Stripe Anduril are still private? No sweat. Founders Fund will just keep throwing money at them until they can single handedly take down the Covenant or at least launch a really cool rocket.

Follow the Money Spartan

This massive war chest lets Founders Fund muscle in on later investment rounds that smaller firms can only dream of. It's like having unlimited ammo for the Battle Rifle. Thiel was a Trump guy then he wasn't now he might be again if you hold a gun to his head. Politics am I right? Makes dealing with the Flood seem straightforward. Thiel said he'd vote for Trump over Biden but wouldn't give any money to Trump's super PAC. Confusing but hey at least he's consistent about one thing: making money.

Anduril: The Future of War? Or Just Really Expensive Toys?

The article mentions Palmer Luckey and Anduril snagging a sweet $32 billion government contract. I've seen what humanity can do with that kind of money. Hopefully they're building something that can actually stop the Covenant not just another overpriced gadget that'll break after one firefight. But gotta admit makes me wonder if they can make an affordable Mjolnir for everyone would be awesome.

Finishing the Fight... for Funding!

Bottom line? Founders Fund is loaded and they're not afraid to use it. They're betting big on the future of tech defense and probably world domination. Good for them. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a Covenant cruiser to vaporize. Just another day at the office...or should I say another investment opportunity gone supernova.