A Shadow of Mordor in Boulder: Man Faces Attempted Murder Charges for Fiery Attack

The Long Shadow

Hoom! Gandalf here reporting from the front lines of… well not exactly Mordor but Boulder Colorado. A dark cloud has settled over this otherwise pleasant land. It appears a certain Mohamed Sabry Soliman a name that lacks the ring of a noble Elf or even a stout Dwarf stands accused of a most grievous deed. He's charged with attempted murder after allegedly launching a fiery assault on demonstrators. One might say 'Fly you fools!' but alas this was no Balrog merely a man with a petrol fueled grudge.

A Confession as Dark as the Mines of Moria

The prosecutors are seeking a bond that would make Smaug himself clutch his hoard tighter $10 million! It seems Mr. Soliman confessed he had planned this atrocity for a year patiently waiting like a goblin for the right moment. A year! That's longer than Frodo took to leave the Shire! The FBI affidavit reveals a motive as twisted as the roots of Old Man Willow: he attacked the demonstrators for supporting Israel. It appears even in this age the fires of hatred burn bright.

The Arsenal of a Would be Sauron

Our would be dark lord was found to have a rather... rustic collection of implements of destruction. Fourteen unlit Molotov cocktails fashioned from wine carafes and red rags. One wonders if he had considered pairing them with a nice vintage. Authorities also found paperwork with the words 'Israel,' 'Palestine,' and 'USAID.' It seems even the U.S. Agency for International Development cannot escape the long reach of conflict.

Words Sharper Than Orcish Blades

During questioning Soliman reportedly stated he 'wanted to kill all Zionist people and wished they were all dead.' Such words are like poisoned arrows piercing the hearts of those who hear them. He further confessed to researching Molotov cocktails on YouTube. It seems even the darkest of deeds can now be learned with a simple internet search. Truly the world has changed.

Echoes of the Past

Even politicians have weighed in with a certain Donald Trump blaming current border policies. 'He came in through Biden's ridiculous Open Border Policy,' he declared. It seems even in times of tragedy the game of politics continues. One is reminded of the endless bickering of Gondor's stewards while Mordor gathered its strength.

A glimmer of Hope?

Soliman was in the United States illegally on an expired work permit. Whether he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law as the POTUS said remains to be seen. While darkness gathers we must remember the words of Galadriel: 'Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.' Let us hope that justice and understanding will prevail and that the fires of hatred will be quenched before they consume us all.