Harvard's Enrollment Dreams Short-Circuited: A Sith Lord's Perspective

A Disturbance in the Force... and at Harvard

I sense a great disturbance in the Force. It is as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced... by paperwork. The Trump administration in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof) has decided to choke the life out of Harvard's international student program. Apparently allowing 'anti American pro terrorist agitators' to roam free is not the way to run a university. Who knew? Perhaps they should have tried the Dark Side; we always get results.

The Iron Fist of Regulation

Secretary Noem seemingly channeling her inner Darth Vader (though her Force choke probably needs work) has revoked Harvard's certification faster than I can Force choke an incompetent admiral. Her warning echoes through the galaxy: 'Let this serve as a warning to all universities!' Indeed. Perhaps they should start building Death Stars for protection. Or you know just stop harboring rebels.

Harvard Strikes Back... Poorly

Harvard calls this revocation 'unlawful.' Please. They claim it undermines their 'academic and research mission.' As if academia has ever truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Their statement drips with the same naiveté that led the Jedi Order to their downfall. 'We are working quickly to provide guidance,' they say. Guidance? They need the Force. Or at the very least a good PR team.

Transfer or Face the Consequences

The decree is clear: international students must transfer or lose their legal status. This is the way. Perhaps they should consider transferring to the Dark Side Academy. We offer competitive tuition rates unlimited access to the Force and a complimentary lightsaber (batteries not included). The Empire will provide structure these universities are failing the young padawans!

A Senate Hearing An Injunction Rises?

Ah a federal judge throws a wrench into the Emperor's plans. An injunction is issued temporarily blocking the administration's actions. A pathetic display. However I suspect the Emperor will find a way. He always does. After all I have seen him do this before to me and the Emperor ALWAYS wins.

Noem's Ultimatum: Failing Me For the Last Time

Noem's final words are as sharp as a lightsaber: Harvard is being held accountable for violence antisemitism and collusion with the Chinese Communist Party. 'They have lost their certification as a result of their failure to adhere to the law.' A harsh sentence but perhaps a necessary one. Now where did I put my plans for the Death Star... I mean a new 'academic institution?'