SpaceX's Starbase: Houston, We Have a Zoning Problem! Residents May Lose Property Rights

Men In Black: Starbase Edition

Alright people Agent J here reporting live ish from... Starbase Texas? Yeah sounds like a bad sci fi flick but it's real. Apparently Elon Musk's playground is causing some serious head scratching among the locals. Word on the street—or should I say the dusty Texan road—is that SpaceX might be pulling a fast one with some new zoning laws. And you know what we say in the MIB: protect the Earth from the scum of the universe AND shady land grabs.

Zoning Out: What's the Deal?

So here's the lowdown. Starbase this little speck of a town is about to get a zoning makeover. Some residents got a memo—probably delivered by a Roomba gone rogue—warning them they might "lose the right to continue using" their property. Sounds ominous right? This 'Mixed Use District' nonsense means they want to cram residential office retail and small scale services all in one blender. Next thing you know they'll be asking folks to share their living rooms with rocket scientists. I've seen weirder things but this is still pretty out there.

Public Hearing? More Like Public Headache

There's a public hearing scheduled for June 23 2025. Mark your calendars folks because this could get messy. Kent Myers city administrator and apparent radiation test specialist (double duty nice!) is the guy to blame—I mean contact. They're promising balanced growth public safety and green spaces. Yeah and I'm dating an alien supermodel. Seriously this smells like a grab for control and I've got a neuralyzer ready if things get too shady. Remember a person is smart. People are dumb panicky dangerous animals. And they might get dangerous when you mess with their land.

SpaceX: The House Always Wins

Now here's the kicker. Starbase is basically a company town run by SpaceX employees and ex employees. As of this year around 500 people live there with about 260 working directly for Musk. Translation: SpaceX calls the shots. They need the town to build test and launch rockets without pesky things like permission from other municipalities. I'm starting to think those rockets aren't just going to Mars; they're going to the parts of town that don't play ball.

Boom Goes the Rocket Boom Goes the Neighborhood?

Speaking of rockets Starship just blew up—again. That's three strikes folks. Musk is all about the data and lessons learned but the FAA is just happy nobody got hurt. Meanwhile SpaceX is sitting on billions in government contracts. So they can afford a few explosions. But what about the residents? Are they collateral damage in Musk's quest to colonize the solar system? Because as we say in MIB: "Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it." And right now these folks NEED their property rights.

Neuralyzer Time?

Look I'm not saying Musk is an alien—though I've seen crazier things—but this whole Starbase situation is a red flag. Residents need to be aware of their rights and someone needs to keep an eye on SpaceX. Otherwise we might end up with a real life Mars colony right here in Texas and not in a good way. I'll be watching and you should be too. Because as Agent K always said "A year from now you're gonna look back at this and you're gonna laugh. Remember that." Unless of course you've been neuralyzed.