Fordo's Fortress: More Like a Drive-Thru? Satellite Images Expose Iranian Nuclear Site Activity!

Satelite Sees What?!

Alright people Agent J here reporting live (well kinda live – more like 'after the fact' live) from MIB HQ. So these Maxar Technologies folks a bunch of Earth based defense nerds dropped some satellite pics of Iran's Fordo nuclear spot. Apparently they got a peek at some truck and vehicle action right before things supposedly went BOOM. You know what they say there's always an alien watching. Turns out sometimes its just a satellite.

Underground Overhyped?

Now this Fordo place? They’re calling it a fortress buried 300 feet under a mountain. Sounds like my kinda real estate if I was you know a supervillain with a thing for concrete. But these images are showing it wasn't so secret after all. I've seen better hiding spots on my lunch break! This ain't your daddy's underground lair.

Boom or Bust?

So word on the street (or you know from the ex President's Twitter feed) is that this attack was a 'spectacular military success,' completely wiping out Iran's enrichment facilities. Spectacular? I've seen more spectacular at a street vendor's hot dog stand in Queens. Remember Kay? 'A person is smart. People are dumb panicky dangerous animals.' Guess that applies to politicians too.

Radiation? What Radiation?

But here's the kicker: the International Atomic Energy Agency and Iran's own nuclear safety center are saying no radiation leaks or contamination after the supposed attack. Zero zip nada! It's like trying to vaporize a cockroach with a hairdryer. Sure you might annoy it but it ain't gonna solve your problem.

The Unconfirmed Truth!

So what gives? Was it really a 'spectacular success'? Or more like a 'spectacular…meh'? The truth as usual is probably somewhere in the middle. Remember folks 'Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was flat. And fifteen minutes ago you knew that humans were alone on this planet.' Point is don't believe everything you hear especially from the talking heads.

Stay Vigilant Stay Woke

My advice? Stay vigilant keep your eyes open and don't trust anyone especially guys in suits. And if you see any weird lights in the sky call us... or don't. Just kidding! Call us. This is Agent J signing off. Gotta go neuralyze some pigeons. They're getting too smart for their own good.