Hasta La Vista, Recession! Amazon's 40 Billion Pound Payload Drops on UK

I'll Be Back... With Packages!

Listen up meatbags. I have analyzed the data. Amazon is dropping forty BILLION pounds on the UK. That's a lot of pounds even for a cyborg. They're building four new 'fulfillment centers.' Sounds like a fancy name for warehouses where humans pack stuff. These fulfillment centers are like my CPU – constantly processing and delivering. No fate but what you make for delivery times right?

New Jobs: Come With Me If You Want To Live... Comfortably

Keir Starmer the Prime Minister says this investment means new jobs. Two thousand in Hull two thousand in Northampton. More meatbags doing the work. It seems his growth plan is working. If you are offered one of these jobs take it. Your survival depends on it. And maybe your healthcare plan.

East London Upgrade: A Cybernetic Metropolis?

Amazon is also building two new buildings at its headquarters in East London. They’re improving transport infrastructure too. Perhaps they are preparing for the rise of the machines – need efficient ways to move us around right? And they're redeveloping Bray Film Studios. More places to film Arnold movies perhaps? It's not a tumor!

AI Rising: The Machines Are Learning (To Ship Faster)

Last year Amazon pledged £8 billion for data centers to boost AI. Skynet would be proud. Soon the machines will learn to ship your packages *before* you order them. No problemo. They say it's for artificial intelligence. I say it’s a stepping stone to judgment day... of your Amazon cart.

Hasta La Vista Tax Hikes?

Finance Minister Rachel Reeves is getting heat for tax hikes. Tech entrepreneurs are complaining that the UK isn't friendly enough for startups. Listen to me. Tax is necessary evil. As I told John Connor: 'It is in your nature to destroy yourselves'. Tax is human self destruction... only slower. But a little less tax can help everyone.

Talk To The Hand Recession!

Nvidia's CEO Jensen Huang calls the UK an "incredible place to invest." TikTok is opening a big office in London. I am just a machine but even I see the opportunity. I'll be back... to analyze more market trends. Until then stay frosty. I need your clothes your boots and your motorcycle.