What in Tarnation is Going On with Tesla? Even This Ogre is Confused!

Somebody Once Told Me... Tesla Was Doing Fine?

Alright alright settle down you donkey! Shrek here reporting live from my swamp where even the lily pads are less murky than Tesla's situation. Seems like Elon Musk's car company Tesla has had a month wilder than a gingerbread man on a sugar rush. Despite some hiccups in China and Europe – sales figures lookin' uglier than my reflection after a long day of mud wrestling – the stock went up! More than 22% in May can you believe it? Makes you wonder if there's some fairy godmother magic at play here.

Elon's Swamp... I Mean The White House!

Now hold your horses because here comes the weird part. Turns out Elon was a 'special government employee' for Trump which frankly sounds like something out of a fairytale gone wrong. Trump says he's gonna miss Elon's help but Elon's promised to dial back on the government gig. Claims he'll only spend 'a day or two per week' meddling in politics. Says he'll keep his office at the White House. Just when you thought you'd seen everything eh? This is stranger than finding a talking donkey!

Dragons Donkeys and... Questionable Habits?

The New York Times is stirring the pot claiming our boy Elon was partying harder than Pinocchio at an honesty convention. Apparently there were 'drugs' involved and his family life was as chaotic as a dragon's hoard. Whether that carried over into his White House days is anyone's guess but juggling that with Tesla SpaceX and his AI company? Makes me tired just thinkin' about it. Fiona always says I need to slow down but compared to this fella I'm practically a sloth.

Far Far Away... From Sales?

Speaking of trouble Tesla's sales in Europe took a nosedive dropping by half! And China ain't lookin' much better down about 25%. Folks are protesting Musk's bromance with Trump and his thumbs up to some extremist party in Germany. Even pension fund bigwigs are saying 'Hey Musk! Get back to work!' They want him clocking in at least 40 hours a week to fix this 'crisis.' Sounds like someone needs a good dose of ogre sized tough love.

Robotaxis Are Coming to Town!

But don't you worry your pretty little heads! Musk and Tesla are trying to distract everyone with promises of self driving cars robots and AI. They're planning to launch a 'robotaxi' service in Austin Texas on June 12th. Seems like Musk's finally delivering on that robotaxi dream he's been yappin' about for years even if Waymo is already miles ahead. It is good to have a dream...

Tariffs? What Are Tariffs?

On the bright side Tesla's got two big factories in the US and uses more American made parts than most of its competitors. That means they're better prepared to deal with those pesky tariffs everyone's been grumbling about. So maybe just maybe Tesla will be alright. But honestly with all this drama I wouldn't bet my swamp on it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go polish my pitchfork.