Good News Everyone! Holmes' Appeal Rejected Again!

Another Fine Mess!

Good news everyone! It appears that my former intern Elizabeth Holmes (a bright young mind gone…slightly askew perhaps due to an over reliance on my Smell O Scope technology) has hit another snag. Her attempt to get a rehearing of her appeal regarding that… *incident*… with the blood testing company Theranos has been denied. Denied! I haven't seen such a resounding 'no' since I tried to convince Mom to invest in my Smell O Vision project! To shreds you say?

The Judges Have Spoken!

The 9th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals – a bunch of stuffy shirts if you ask me – refused to rehear the case. And even more shocking not a single judge on the entire circuit deemed it worthy of a full court review! Frankly I'm aghast. Don't they have anything better to do? Like say reverse engineer my quantum harmonizer? It's just sitting there gathering dust!

Supreme Court or Bust!

Now this leaves Ms. Holmes with but one option: appealing to the Supreme Court. That's right the big kahunas! Honestly it's a long shot. About as likely as Zoidberg winning 'Employee of the Month'. Still one must admire her tenacity. Though perhaps she should have focused that tenacity on you know *actual* blood testing technology. Wernstrom!

Remember the Sentence!

Let's not forget that she was originally sentenced to 11 years and 3 months for wire fraud back in January 2023 after the initial conviction in 2022. Eleven years! Back in my day we only got that kind of sentence for accidentally creating a black hole in the lab. And even then it was usually just community service… cleaning up the black hole residue. Tedious work that.

The Theranos Debacle

Theranos her little project crumbled faster than a Nibbler's digestive system after a dark matter binge. All thanks to a pesky Wall Street Journal article. Honestly those journalists! Always poking around where they don't belong. Much like those meddling kids and that dog always foiling my plans for world domination… I mean *scientific advancement*.

Restitution? Good Grief!

And to add insult to injury she and her… *associate* Mr. Balwani have been ordered to pay $452 million in restitution. A sum so large it makes even my pension fund look like pocket change! Perhaps they should consider selling some of their organs on the black market. Ethical? No. Efficient? Possibly. Now where did I put my bone saw?