Believe It! Trump's Tariffs Are Messing With Our Tech Like Obito Messed With Everything!

Dattebayo! The News Is Here!

Alright listen up everyone! Naruto Uzumaki here reporting live from... well my ramen stand actually! But don't let that fool ya because I've got some serious news. Seems like old man Trump's got some tariff jutsu going on and it's hitting our tech companies harder than Sakura chan hits me when I say something stupid! Believe it!

Nvidia's Shadow Clone of a Problem!

First off Nvidia! They're taking a hit a big one! Like a $5.5 billion Shadow Clone Jutsu of a charge because they can't sell their H20 graphics processing units to China as easily. Apparently they need some special permission slips from the government now. It's like trying to get past Kakashi sensei with a bell – nearly impossible!

AMD's Great Escape Fails!

And it's not just Nvidia! AMD is feeling the pain too. They're saying they might lose around $800 million because of these export controls on their MI308 products. That's a lot of ramen money folks! I could buy like the Ichiraku Ramen shop many times over with that much! It's like when I tried to sneak into the Hokage's office but got caught by a clone. No escape!

Tariffs: The Infinite Tsukuyomi of Trade?

So what's the deal? Well these tariffs are basically like a giant Infinite Tsukuyomi trapping the tech companies in a world of trade restrictions. Everyone's worried that if things get too expensive nobody's gonna buy the chips and that's bad news for everyone. Especially those of us who use those chips to play awesome video games!

ASML: Even The Cool Guys Are Struggling

Even ASML the cool Dutch guys who make the equipment for making chips are having a tough time. They didn't get as many orders as they expected and they're blaming the tariffs. It's like when you're trying to perform the Rasengan but your chakra control is off and it just fizzles out. Disappointing!

The Whole Market is Sinking Faster Than Sakura's Love For Me

It's not just the chipmakers; the whole market is taking a dive! Meta Alphabet Tesla Amazon Microsoft Apple – everyone's down! It's like the Fourth Great Ninja War all over again except this time the enemy is tariffs and our weapons are… uh… financial strategies? Maybe I should just stick to ramen. Anyway Believe It!