Microsoft Said, "Bye, Felicia!" to 9,000 Employees!

OMG Microsoft's Doing What Now?

Okay so I heard Microsoft like the company that makes um computers or something (right?) is laying off 9,000 people. NINE THOUSAND! That's like more than the number of selfies I take in a week… almost. Apparently it’s less than 4% of their whole squad but still that's a lot of people to tell "You're doing amazing sweetie... but we're letting you go."

Fiscal Year More Like 'Fiasco' Year

So Microsoft execs are like doing this whole reshuffling thing at the start of their new fiscal year. Fiscal schmiscal! Honestly it sounds like a convenient excuse to me. I mean can't they just like release a new eyeshadow palette or something to distract everyone? That's what I would do. Problem solved.

Layers Like Contour Are Getting Cut

Apparently they're trying to cut down on the number of managers. As they said they want to reduce the number of layers of managers that stand between individual contributors and top executives the person said. Which I guess is like cutting down on layers of contour? Too much and you look like totally fake. Less is more people! Maybe I should tell my makeup artist that…

Money Money Money...Still Rolling In

Okay but here's the kicker. Microsoft made like $26 billion in net income last quarter. BILLION! So they're basically swimming in money while people are losing their jobs? Does that seem fair? I mean I know business is business but still… Maybe they could like donate some of that to a good cause. Like my next vacation fund? Just kidding… mostly.

Stock Highs While Morale Lows

Their stock is at a record high which is like great for them. But I can't help but feel bad for those 9,000 people. I bet they're not feeling so great about those stock prices right now. If I was in their shoes I'd probably just go buy a bunch of lip kits and try to forget about it all. Retail therapy is real people!

ADP Showing Job Market Troubles

Other companies are doing it too like Autodesk and Chegg. And this ADP company they said the US lost 33,000 jobs? That's so not the vibe. Maybe I should like start a 'Hire A Friend' campaign. I mean I have lots of friends… and lots of businesses. It’s like "Rise and shine" for my friends in business. Just a thought!