Microsoft Layoffs? That's, Like, So 2023! (But Still...Wow)

OMG Microsoft's Doing What Now?

Okay so I heard Microsoft is laying off like 3% of their people? That's like 6,000 employees. I know right? It's giving 'I'm gonna pretend like I didn't see that.' But seriously a spokesperson told CNBC that they're just trying to like 'best position the company for success.' Translation: More money honey! Remember when I said 'I'm gonna get wasted' because I was going to go work? Yeah this is kinda the opposite of that for those employees.

Money Money Money...Must Be Funny?

But here's the tea: They totally crushed it with like $25.8 billion in quarterly net income. BILLION you guys! It's like when I launched Kylie Cosmetics and everyone was shooketh. But they had to do some cuts like when I cut my hair after the Met Gala its the right move for the brand. It's giving 'rich people problems,' am I right? I mean I get it gotta stay on top of the game or you end up like irrelevant. And nobody wants that!

Redmond We Have a Problem!

Washington state is saying a bunch of those cuts are coming from their headquarters in Redmond. Almost 2,000 people! Ouch! It's giving me flashbacks to when I had to fire someone. So awkward! But I am all about my space and making sure everything is perfect. This is a similar process making sure everything is up to par!

Wait Wasn't This Like a 2023 Thing?

Apparently they axed 10,000 roles last year! This is like their biggest move since then. I'm over here thinking 'Is this my plot to take over the world with Kylie Air?' But then I remember that the world isn't mine and I'm reminded of being normal like when I forget I have millions of dollars or something. I mean if I were running Microsoft I'd probably have everyone wearing Kylie Cosmetics and driving Kylie Cars. But that's just me.

Blame It on the Layers...Like My Makeup?

They're blaming it on too many managers. It's like when I'm trying to decide which lip kit to wear too many choices! But Microsoft is going a different direction which is why Microsofts CEO is looking to make tweaks and make more sales execution changes after they grew slower than expected. He is saying they need to make sure they lean into design. I mean I'm all about a good design (you know like my mansions) so I feel him on that level.

Still Ballin' Though!

Even with all this drama Microsoft's stocks are doing like AMAZING! They're practically swimming in cash which makes me wonder if I can invest. I mean I'm always looking for the next big thing and Microsoft might just be it. Keep ballin' Microsoft because I'm watching you because its gonna be a good year for you I can feel it!