Starbase is Changing, and I'm Not Sure if I Like It

Kaboom? More Like a Zoning Zoom!

Okay so check it. Word on the street (or you know the internet) is that Starbase – yeah that little spot in Texas where Elon and his rocket pals play – might be changing. They're talking about new rules. Zoning stuff. Blah blah blah. All I hear is 'opportunity for chaos!' They sent out this memo to some residents saying they might "lose the right to continue using" their property. Seriously? Who needs rules when you have rockets? I mean come on where's the fun in that? It's like saying you can't paint a building purple because it doesn't match. That's the BEST reason to paint a building purple!

Mixed Use Mayhem?

They're calling it a "Mixed Use District." Sounds boring. Apparently it means they wanna let people have houses and offices and shops all in the same place. Like who wants to live next to a place where they launch rockets? Oh wait that's everyone in Starbase! But honestly this sounds like a good plan for a distraction. I'm thinking maybe a little retail store where I sell my art. A little explosives section in the back? I'm just spitballing here!

Hearing? More Like Yawning!

So they're having a "public hearing" on June 23rd. A whole day of talking? Snooze fest! But hey free snacks right? And it's a perfect place to leave a surprise or two. A well placed stink bomb maybe? A few rogue monkeys? The possibilities are endless really. And the comments have to be in by 3:00 pm on June 22 2025 so that the public can be heard sure or they can be ignored. Maybe that's the plan!

SpaceX Runs the Show!

Apparently Starbase is basically run by SpaceX employees. It's like a company town only with more explosions. They even had an election! Can you believe it? An election! Talk about a rigged game! But hey whatever gives them the go ahead to launch those big rockets. Speaking of rockets didn't the last one go 'KABOOM!'? Oops. Maybe I had something to do with that. Maybe not. Who's asking?

Ka Ching! Government Money!

Musk's getting BILLIONS from the government. Billions! For rockets that go boom. Man I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I should start a rocket company. Except you know mine would be way more colorful and explode in a much more… artistic way. "Here comes the money!"

Rules? What Rules?!

So basically SpaceX wants to do whatever they want whenever they want. Close roads? Sure! Launch rockets at 3 AM? Why not! And now they want to change the rules so they don't have to ask anyone for permission. Sounds like a party to me! Time to stir up some trouble. "Rules are made to be broken! Like buildings! Or people!" I've got plans people. Big boom y plans. Stay tuned!