CoreWeave's $2 Billion Bet: More Debt Than a Covenant Fleet!

Wake Me When You Need Me... to Pay off Debt

Alright Spartans listen up. CoreWeave the company powering all those fancy AI shenanigans with Nvidia chips just pulled a fast one. They announced a $2 billion debt offering and their shares jumped 19%. Nineteen! That's almost as many Covenant ships I've taken down in one sitting. They're saying the deal was five times oversubscribed. Someone REALLY wants in on this AI action or they just like throwing money into the void I don't know.

Oversubscribed? Sounds Like a Warzone

Apparently they priced these notes at 9.25% due in 2030. Six years. That's enough time to fight a whole war build a new Halo ring and still have time for a nap. CoreWeave claims they'll use this pile of cash to pay off existing debts. Which begs the question: how much debt do they have? More than the UNSC after the Human Covenant War probably.

Show Me the Money (and the Balance Sheet)

Now their first quarter earnings report showed they raised a whopping $17.2 billion in equity and debt. That's enough to buy a fleet of Pelicans… or you know 'drive the next generation of cloud computing'. CEO Michael Intrator is out there defending their spending spree saying they're meeting 'demand signals' from big clients. Demand signals? Sounds like what Cortana used to say when the Covenant were about to drop in.

Debt? What Debt?

Intrator says they have no debt maturities until 2028 except for some vendor financing and 'self amortizing debt'. Self amortizing? Sounds like something the Flood would do to themselves. They had $3.8 billion in current debt and $4.9 billion in non current debt at the end of the quarter. That's a lot of zeroes even for a Spartan.

One of the Largest… in History!

A year ago they raised $7.5 billion in debt led by Blackstone and Magnetar. They're calling it 'one of the largest private debt financings in history'. Confidence is key. Wonder if the board ever quotes me when talking amongst each other or is that just in my head? They also brag about how this shows investors are confident in their ability to build the next generation AI cloud. Let's hope it doesn't become the next Skynet or we're all in trouble.

Nvidia and Microsoft: CoreWeave's Elite Guard

CoreWeave counts Nvidia and Microsoft as some of their biggest customers and they've signed deals with OpenAI totaling nearly $16 billion. Okay now that's serious cash. Microsoft helping a company dominate the world of AI... where have I seen that before? Maybe it's time to dust off Cortana… Wait bad idea. Keep your eyes on this one Spartans. CoreWeave's playing a dangerous game. Remember what happened to the Forerunners? Now get out there and do something useful. I need a weapon.