Bears. Beets. Bitcoin: Is Everyone Suddenly Schruting Their Assets?

False! Corporate Bitcoin Bandwagon Alert

Attention fellow investors and beet enthusiasts! It has come to my attention that companies are now imitating Michael Saylor. Strategy formerly MicroStrategy has done extremely well. This is what happens when you follow the proper business protocol and listen to the right people! It's like bears and beets; a match made in heaven. And now we have everyone from meme stock peddlers to media moguls trying to hoard Bitcoin like it's the last can of Schrute Farms beets after a nuclear apocalypse. Some even are talking about a public company Twenty One with 42,000 bitcoins on the balance sheet. But Wall Street those city slickers they're not buying it.

Dundie Award for Bad Investments?

Trump Media GameStop... their stocks are tanking faster than Michael Scott's paper company after he declares bankruptcy (again!). Meanwhile Strategy it's gone up 26 times in value since 2022. Clearly these companies need to consult with a beet farmer who understands long term investment strategies. Did they not learn anything from the Schrute family beet farming legacy? This isn't some game of 'Who Can Lose the Most Money' – although knowing Michael he'd probably enter that contest. It's almost as foolish as using Schrute Bucks as currency.

Planting the Orange Flag: A Geopolitical Beet Battle

Michael Saylor a man who understands the true value of a digital asset calls Trump Media's move 'courageous aggressive and intelligent'. He's seeing Bitcoin fever spreading faster than a grease fire in the office kitchen. Hong Kong Korea Abu Dhabi the UK – everyone's getting in on the action. We are planting an orange flag all over the globe like a beet farmer staking claim to fertile land. Under Trump Bitcoin gets the respect it deserves. Biden clearly lost the plot.

Executive Order 66: Strategic Bitcoin Reserve Activated

President Trump in his infinite wisdom signed an executive order establishing a U.S. Strategic Bitcoin Reserve! Funded by Bitcoin seized from criminals! It's like justice served cold seasoned with crypto! This is how you secure a nation's future. And Vice President JD Vance bless his heart is out there preaching the gospel of Bitcoin as a hedge against inflation and those dreaded 'unelected bureaucrats.' Finally someone gets it! My words exactly!

No Force On Earth... Except Maybe a Rabid Badger?

Saylor claims 'No force on Earth can stop an idea whose time has come.' He’s right! Except maybe a badger protecting its den. Badgers are notoriously stubborn. Also the Department of Labor is encouraging retirement plans to get some Bitcoin exposure. But some like Microsoft are still clinging to their outdated ways. Saylor tried to warn them but some companies are more stubborn than a mule trying to cross a frozen pond. Speaking of I know a thing or two about animal husbandry and survival in the wild.

We'll Buy More Bitcoin: The Schrute Mantra

Saylor plans to keep buying Bitcoin. More and more! Because that is what you do! He says it'll get harder but he'll work exponentially harder to buy it. It's like harvesting beets – you don't stop until the field is bare! And to those who think this is undermining decentralization you're wrong! More actors mean more diversity which means more robustness! It's like a well diversified beet crop – the more varieties the more resilient the farm! Now if you'll excuse me I have some Bitcoin to acquire and a farm to run. And maybe some bears to ward off.