Bears. Beets. Tariffs! White House Economist Says Tariff Price Hikes are as Likely as a Meteor Strike!

False. Black Bear.

As Assistant Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin and a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I Dwight K. Schrute take economic threats very seriously. So when I heard about these claims that President Trump's tariffs were going to send prices soaring like a falcon on PCP I knew I had to investigate. Turns out it's about as likely as Mose abandoning his beet farm for a career in… accounting. And we all know Mose hates numbers more than bears hate beets!

Fact: Tariffs Aren't as Scary as Bears!

According to this Stephen Miran character – some fancy pants economic advisor – the odds of tariffs actually raising prices are on par with a meteor turning Scranton into a smoldering crater. He said so himself on something called 'Squawk Box.' Sounds terrifying like a velociraptor convention. Turns out it's just CNBC. Big deal. He even presented a report showing that import prices have been declining since March! Where's the fire? Where's the brimstone?

Reciprocal Tariffs? More Like Reciprocal Awesome ness!

Now President Trump a man who understands the subtle nuances of power delayed the 'Liberation Day' tariffs. A strategic move like when I convinced Michael that the warehouse was haunted. Sometimes you gotta play the long game to protect what's yours – in this case America's economic supremacy! And if that means waiting for the perfect moment to unleash the tariffs… so be it. Patience is a virtue as my Great Uncle Dwide used to say...right before he challenged someone to a beet eating contest.

Illusion Michael. A Trick is What They're Doing!

These so called economists whine about delays stockpiling and other such nonsense as reasons for why the prices haven't skyrocketed yet. But I say it's all smoke and mirrors! They're trying to undermine the President's vision. They want to scare the good people of Scranton into thinking that economic Armageddon is upon us! But I Dwight Schrute will not be fooled.

Eventually A Meteor Will Strike. Eventually Someone Will Buy Recycled Paper.

Miran even had the audacity to say that 'eventually a meteor is going to strike,' as a way to brush off concerns about future price increases. But I say eventually someone is going to switch to Dunder Mifflin's recycled paper! We offer the best product the best service and the best… well you get the idea. These economists need to stop predicting doom and gloom and start recognizing the power of a well placed tariff. And a good beet.

The Numbers Don't Lie (Unless You're Michael Scott)

The White House report analyzed both the Personal Consumption Expenditure Price Index (PCE) and the Consumer Price Index (CPI). Fancy names for fancy calculations. But the results are clear: prices are holding steady! Just like a well trained attack dog the economy is responding exactly as planned. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go back to my beet farm and prepare for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Because unlike these economic doomsayers I'm always prepared. And I ALWAYS sell paper!