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Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy), investigates claims that Trump's tariffs will cause price increases and finds them about as believable as Mose growing a beard. image

Bears. Beets. Tariffs! White House Economist Says Tariff Price Hikes are as Likely as a Meteor Strike!

Tue 08 July, 2025 16:24
3 minutes to read

IBM, once a lumbering giant, is now sprinting thanks to CEO Arvind Krishna, leaving the S&P 500 and Nasdaq in the dust! image

Bears. Beets. Big Blue: IBM Roars Back to Life Under New CEO!

Mon 07 July, 2025 19:29
3 minutes to read

AI chipmaker Groq expands to Europe, establishing a data center in Finland to capitalize on growing demand for AI inference, proving that even in tech, location is everything. image

Groq Plants Flag in Finland: A Schrute Farms Guide to AI Domination!

Mon 07 July, 2025 05:32
3 minutes to read

Apple's triumphant F1 movie launch contrasts sharply with concerns over lagging AI development, leaving investors questioning the future of Siri and Apple's tech dominance. image

Apple's AI Woes vs. F1 Glory: Is Siri Stuck in the Beet Field?

Fri 04 July, 2025 12:00
4 minutes to read

Assistant Regional Manager (and Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) Dwight Schrute investigates Mark Cuban's prediction of an AI-fueled trillionaire and whether it poses a threat to beet farming and middle management. image

Beets, Bears, and Billionaires: Dwight Schrute's Take on the AI Apocalypse (or Opportunity!)

Thu 03 July, 2025 16:56
2 minutes to read

Amidst plummeting album sales, K-pop agencies are turning to live concerts and merchandise like bears to beets, boosting revenue and saving themselves from financial ruin. image

K-Pop Apocalypse Averted: Concerts to the Rescue! (Bears. Beets. Blackpink.)

Thu 03 July, 2025 03:09
3 minutes to read

Elon Musk's X (formerly Twitter) experienced a significant outage, leaving users stranded in the digital wilderness. A dark day for social media. A glorious day for beet farmers. image

X Marks the Spot... for Disaster: When Social Media Goes Full Schrute Farms

Wed 02 July, 2025 14:22
2 minutes to read

The design software giant, fresh off a $1 billion breakup, is taking its talents to the New York Stock Exchange, hoping to make a splash bigger than my beet-stained shirts. image

Figma Files for IPO: Bears. Beets. Billion-Dollar Bets!

Tue 01 July, 2025 20:26
3 minutes to read

A chaotic Senate showdown unfolds as senators debate and amend President Trump's megabill, revealing partisan divides and strategic maneuvering reminiscent of a beet farm during harvest season. image

Vote-A-Rama! Washington Bureaucrats Wrestle Over Trump's Megabill Like Bears Battling for Beets!

Tue 01 July, 2025 03:31
3 minutes to read

Despite industry headwinds, Constellation Brands, with its focus on premium segments and a nod from Warren Buffett, is poised for a rebound, much like a beet farmer after a hailstorm. image

Bears, Beets, Booze: Why Constellation Brands is the Dwight Schrute of the Stock Market

Mon 30 June, 2025 16:07
4 minutes to read