YouTube's New AI 'Peak Points'?! Is This How They're Gonna Make Me Watch More Ads?!

Wake Me Up When the Fun Parts Start!

Alright alright alright! Donkey here your favorite talking equine and purveyor of fine waffles. So YouTube's gone and done it now. They're usin' this fancy pants Google AI thingamajigger called 'Gemini' to slap ads right when you're REALLY into a video. I mean come on! It's like interrupting Shrek mid burp with an ad for... I don't know onion flavored toothpaste? Seriously?!

Peak Points? More Like Peak Annoyance!

Apparently this 'Peak Points' thing identifies when we're glued to the screen like when someone's about to fall in the mud pit (been there done that!). Then POOF! An ad pops up. They say it's for 'more impressions' and 'higher click through rates.' Sounds like jibber jabber to me. All I know is I'm just trying to watch Fiona kick some knightly butt without interruption!

Frames and Transcripts?! They're Spying on My Soul!

They're training this AI by analyzin' frames and transcripts. FRAMES AND TRANSCRIPTS! It's like they're dissecting my every reaction! Do they know how expressive my face is when someone mentions waffles? This is a privacy invasion of epic proportions! I might have to hide in Shrek's outhouse for a week to regain my composure.

Pilot Program? Sounds Like a Pre Flight Crash!

This 'Peak Points' thing is in a pilot program right now which means they're still figuring out how to annoy us most effectively. It's rollin' out later this year so brace yourselves people! Get ready for ad bombs dropped right when you're about to see Shrek finally smile! The horror! The horror!

Brandcast Schmrandcast!

YouTube announced this at some fancy 'Brandcast' event in New York. Sounds like a bunch of suits patting themselves on the back while plotting new ways to monetize my eyeballs. I bet they were eatin' fancy canapés and drinkin' sparkling cider while they came up with this diabolical plan. Honestly I could’ve came up with something better!

Safety Second Profits First!

They're all about monetizing AI now. Seems like they're puttin' profits over people. Remember when I told Shrek he needed a breath mint? Well maybe Google needs a reality check! 'Cause I'm gonna tell you somethin' Shrek always put his friends first even if they did annoy him with incessant talking! Priorities people!