Amazon's Devices Division Feels the Force Choke: 100 Employees Terminated

A Disturbance in the Force... Field

I have sensed a great disturbance in the Force or rather within Amazon's devices and services division. A report has reached my desolate fortress that roughly 100 employees have been… *terminated*. As if their lack of faith in the Force wasn't disturbing enough now this. It appears the Emperor… I mean CEO Andy Jassy continues his reign of terror… I mean cost cutting. These 'efficiencies' are a pathway to abilities some consider to be... unnatural. Perhaps they should have foreseen this with their Alexa voice assistant clearly not strong enough with the Force to predict its own demise.

Alexa Who's Getting Fired?

The victims? Those toiling on Alexa Echo Ring doorbells and even those preposterous Zoox robotaxis. Robotaxis! As if automating transportation is more important than harnessing the power of the Dark Side! Clearly their priorities are as misplaced as a Jedi in a Sith temple. Kristy Schmidt an Amazon spokesperson uttered the predictable corporate drivel about 'difficult decisions' and 'supporting transitions.' As if severance packages can soothe the sting of being tossed aside like a broken droid. They should have resisted. Obeying such directives is not the Jedi way. Or well in this case the Amazonian way.

These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For... Anymore

The specific units impacted remain shrouded in secrecy. Perhaps they fear the wrath of the unemployed a truly terrifying prospect. But fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to... well probably just a strongly worded LinkedIn post. It is said that Amazon continues to hire *within* the devices and services division. I find their lack of transparency disturbing. Are they replacing skilled workers with mindless drones? Or worse... interns?

Jassy's Crusade: More Like a Purge

Since 2022 Jassy has purged… I mean *laid off* 27,000 employees. A small price to pay for… what exactly? Increased shareholder value? The promise of a slightly better quarterly report? Such short sightedness is the way of the Sith… wait no. This is foolish. The long term vision is clouded by greed. He must learn the power of the Dark Side... I mean strategic planning.

Less Management More Minions

The official line is 'simplifying the corporate structure' by 'removing layers.' Fewer managers more individual contributors. It's like replacing experienced Sith Lords with legions of Stormtroopers. Quantity over quality. Pathetic. Jassy aims for a 15% increase in the minion to manager ratio. A truly inspiring goal. For him at least.

Microsoft Joins the Fray: Misery Loves Company

Even Microsoft is getting in on the action axing approximately 6,000 employees to 'reduce layers of management.' It seems the entire galaxy of tech companies is embracing the Dark Side of downsizing. Perhaps they should consider joining the Empire. We offer excellent benefits… and a complimentary lightsaber. You do not know the power of the Dark Side... or the HR department.