Stephen Curry Ditches Nike?! Time to Cause Some Mayhem!

Nike? More Like 'Na hike'!

Okay so apparently in 2013 Mr. Golden Boy Stephen Curry decided to ditch Nike for Under Armour. UNDER ARMOUR! Who even knew they made basketball shoes? It's like choosing a rubber band over Pow Pow my trusty minigun... makes no sense! But hey maybe he saw something shiny or maybe Nike just bored him to tears. Either way chaos ensued and I’m here for it! 'Rules are made to be broken... like buildings!'

Underdog? More Like Under Awesome!

So Under Armour was all like 'We're the underdog!' Blah blah blah. Underdogs are cool I guess. Makes it more fun when you blow 'em up! Their CEO Kevin Plank went all in saying they were for the 'not big enough' crowd. Well guess what? Explosions don’t discriminate by size! 'Here comes the pain!'

Operation: Befriend Curry – Phase Bazemore!

The real MVP here? Kent Bazemore! Apparently Under Armour showered him with so much free stuff that Curry got jealous! Sneaky sneaky. It's like using a tiny firecracker to set off a whole fireworks factory – genius! Nike was all snoozing while Under Armour was handing out swag like candy. No wonder Curry jumped ship! 'Surprise!'

Nike's Epic Fail: Name Game and Recycled Slides!

Oh but the best part? Nike totally BOMBED their presentation! Mispronounced Curry's name AND used old slides with Kevin Durant's name on them! Can you even imagine being THAT unprepared? It’s like bringing a water pistol to a rocket launcher fight! No wonder Curry was like 'Peace out losers!' 'You think I'm crazy? You should see me when I'm mad!'

Cash Money or Trash Money?

And the cherry on top? Under Armour offered him $4 million a year while Nike cheaped out with $2.5 million and refused to match. Seriously? It's like offering me a single bullet when I need a whole belt! Some people just don't understand the value of mayhem... I mean talent! So twelve years later Curry's swimming in dough and Under Armour's... well they're still around. 'Happy birthday!'

From Shoes to Shares: Curry's Empire

Fast forward to now Curry's got his own brand is President of Curry Brand (whatever that is) and is swimming in Under Armour shares. Good for him I guess. As long as he uses all that money to cause some REAL chaos! But guess what? Under Armour's stock price has gone kablooey like one of my grenades gone wild! Maybe sticking with Nike wouldn't have been a bad idea. 'Ta ta!'