Modelo Apocalypse! Beer Tariffs Threaten Party Extinction!

Bad News MiB Style

Alright people Agent J here reporting live from the financial battlefield. Seems like our favorite beer supplier Constellation Brands – the folks who bring you Modelo Corona and Pacifico – are facing some turbulence. You know like when you think you've got the perfect neuralyzer shot lined up and then BAM! The target moves. Only this time it's tariffs messing everything up.

Trump's Tariff Tantrum

So here's the deal. The ex President slapped a 25% tariff on imported canned beer and aluminum cans effective April 4th. Yeah I know sounds like something Zed would be yelling about. Apparently even with Trump saying he'd cut those tariffs down this whole aluminum thing is a sector specific buzzkill. All that beer Constellation gets from Mexico? Hit hard. Makes you wonder if those politicians even *drink* beer you know? 'Cause a world without a cold Corona on a hot day is a world I don't wanna live in.

By the Numbers or Not

Now before you start thinking the sky is falling lemme break it down. Constellation actually beat Wall Street's estimates for the fourth quarter. Earnings per share? $2.63 when they were only expecting $2.28. Revenue? $2.16 billion versus a $2.13 billion estimate. But and there's always a 'but' bigger than Frank the Pug's ego their future forecast isn't looking so rosy. They're projecting lower earnings for 2026 and their medium term outlook for 2027 and 2028 is getting downgraded. Talk about a mood killer.

Wine Woes and Vodka Voyages

Turns out their wine and spirits division has been struggling. So they're ditching the 'mainstream' wines and focusing on the fancy stuff the kind that costs $15 or more a bottle. And remember Svedka vodka? Sold it! Just like when you gotta prune a neuralyzer to make it run smoother they're trimming the fat to get things back on track. 'Cause you gotta remember 'A person is smart. People are dumb panicky dangerous animals'. In this case people are investors.

Stock Market Shenanigans

Of course the stock market is more unpredictable than a rookie agent with a plasma rifle. Shares initially jumped when Trump hinted at tariff changes then dropped 3% after Constellation's gloomy forecast. You know the stock market can be crazy like that. One minute it's up next minute it's down. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing say it again!.

The Future is Murky Like a Bad Moonshine

So what's the takeaway? Constellation is navigating some rough waters trying to stay afloat in a sea of tariffs and changing consumer tastes. They're cutting costs selling off assets and betting big on beer. Will it work? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: I'm gonna need a cold Modelo to get through this. Agent J out.