Hyrule Historia: Is the World About to Explode? (Again!)

A World in Peril: Not Just Hyrule Anymore!

Greetings fellow adventurers! Princess Zelda here reporting from Hyrule Castle (yes still). While Link is busy saving some chickens from a particularly aggressive Cucco swarm (honestly they're more dangerous than Bokoblins sometimes) I've been following a rather alarming situation unfolding in… well not Hyrule. It seems there's a bit of a squabble brewing between Iran and Israel and the grown ups with the pointy hats (diplomats not Stalfos) are trying to sort it out before things go full Majora's Mask. 'The flow of time is always cruel… its speed seems different for each person,' or so Skull Kid said. Let's hope these next two weeks don't feel like an eternity.

The Gerudo Desert Heat is Nothing Compared to This Mess

Apparently this whole thing started with a disagreement over well lots of things. Think of it as Ganondorf deciding he wants Hyrule Castle the Triforce and a lifetime supply of Lon Lon Ranch milk – all at once. The U.K. France and Germany are playing the role of the Sages trying to convince everyone to chill out before someone starts summoning a giant angry boar. Meanwhile the U.S. is contemplating whether to join the fray which could either save the day or turn the whole thing into a giant fiery Moblin roast.

Trump's Two Weeks: Hyrule Field Feels Like a Vacation

Ah President Trump our very own King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule but with even more puzzling decisions. He's giving everyone two weeks to figure things out which in Hyrule time is roughly enough to bake a single loaf of bread. He seems to have pulled the U.S. out of something called the JCPOA which sounds suspiciously like a recipe for disaster and is now trying to cook up a new deal. One has to wonder if he ever listens to Navi... 'Hey! Listen!' Diplomacy is a delicate art not unlike dodging a Guardian laser beam. One wrong move and BOOM! Hyrule… er the world is in trouble.

Echoes of the Past: Lessons From Libya Afghanistan and Iraq (and Hyrule!)

The French Foreign Minister made a rather astute observation about avoiding past mistakes. It's like remembering not to use a Deku Stick near a lit torch – some things you only need to learn once. They're desperately trying to avoid another Libya Afghanistan or Iraq situation which let's be honest sound about as pleasant as a stroll through the Shadow Temple. 'You've met with a terrible fate haven't you?' Let's hope these diplomats have a better sense of direction than I do when navigating the Lost Woods.

Markets on Edge: Even Rupees Are Nervous

Unsurprisingly all this drama is making the markets as jumpy as a Stalchild in a thunderstorm. Investors are hoarding safe haven assets whatever those are (probably not Blue Rupees those are practically worthless) and defense companies are rubbing their hands together like Beedle when you offer him a rare beetle. Even rupees are nervous now. Who knows what this could do to the price of elixirs?!

Hoping for a Happy Ending: More Than Just Fairies and Ocarinas

So what does this all mean? Well it means we need to hope these diplomats can pull off a miracle faster than Link can say 'Hyah!' The fate of… well not just Hyrule but the entire world might depend on it. Let's all send our positive vibes (and maybe a few fairies) their way. After all even in the darkest of times there's always hope… and maybe a hidden fairy fountain or two. May the Triforce be with them! And may Link finally catch that darn Cucco.