Knock Knock! Who's There? CHAOS! Trump's Tariffs Trigger Global Mayhem!

A Little Introduction

Hello Gotham! Or should I say the WORLD! Yours truly the Clown Prince of Chaos here to bring you the *real* news. You see I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger. And what's stranger than a world teetering on the edge of economic insanity? This Trump fellow he's not just playing with fire he's practically bathing in it! And you know what I say? Let's light this candle!

The Tariff Tango Begins

So this…*Trump* has slapped a 10% tariff on all imports like a bad joke at a funeral. "This is the single biggest trade action of our lifetime," says some former White House busy body Kelly Ann Shaw. Oh honey you ain't seen nothin' yet! This is just the opening act to a grand chaotic opera. A little anarchy. Upsets the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and then the REALLY fun numbers start next week! 11% to 50%? Why so serious?!

Five Trillion Down the Drain!

BOOM! Just like that five trillion dollars vanishes into thin air. Gone! Poof! The stock market those tightly wound suits' playground became a bouncy castle of despair. Oil and commodities take a nose dive? Investors running scared? Oh this is better than free comedy! It's like a magic trick only instead of pulling a rabbit out of a hat he's pulling out economic ruin! HAHAHA! Does anyone really know how much a trillion is? Oh well here's a little demo: I have none. Wanna see a magic trick? I'm going to make this pencil disappear...

Who's Getting the Last Laugh?

Australia Britain Colombia Argentina Egypt Saudi Arabia… All dancing to Trump's tune now! And a 51 day grace period? Oh how generous! It's like giving a drowning man a life raft made of… sarcasm! He is after all an agent of chaos.

EU and China Enter the Fray!

The EU gets a 20% smackdown and China? A glorious 54% beating! It's like watching two bulls in a china shop except the china shop is the global economy and the bulls are… well you get the picture. And Vietnam that sneaky little opportunist is getting a 46% spanking for trying to pick up China's scraps? Oh the irony! It burns!

Exceptions? What Exceptions?

Oh but don't worry folks! There are exceptions! Crude oil pharmaceuticals uranium… the essentials for keeping the gears of civilization grinding! Unless...we throw a wrench in it? Oh I'm just spitballing here! Maybe it is about the money! It's always about the money.