Good News Everyone! Trump Takes Credit (and Blames Biden, Naturally)

A Bold Claim Indeed

Good news everyone! It seems President Trump is at it again. In a recent interview he declared that the 'good parts' of the economy are all thanks to him. Yes me! I mean... him! But don't worry he's also helpfully pointed out that any 'bad parts' are of course Biden's fault. It's a simple equation really. Like my Smell O Scope which only sometimes explodes. Sometimes!

Tariffs: The Road to Riches!

Now about these tariffs. President Trump seems rather fond of them despite the economic uncertainty they're causing. He boldly claims they're going to make us a 'very rich country'. Rich I tell you! I haven't heard such optimism since I tried to sell my invention of Smell O Vision. Sadly everyone just complained about the smells. To shreds you say?

Blame Game: Biden's the Scapegoat

It appears blaming his predecessor is a recurring theme. He even pinned the recent economic contraction on Biden! It is like blaming the Leela for eating all the anchovies she can't help that she is an alien mutant with an addiction. Honestly sometimes I think that man's memory is as faulty as my quantum finish nail file!

Dolls and Pencils: A Matter of National Security?

In a surprising tangent President Trump also weighed in on the appropriate number of dolls a child should own. Apparently 30 is excessive. He then also went on about pencils or something. 'I don't think a beautiful baby girl needs – that's 11 years old – needs to have 30 dolls,' he said. It's like when I tried to regulate the number of atom's a sandwich needs. Nobody listened to me either. They said I'm endangering the timeline.

Recession? What Recession?

But fear not! The President dismisses any long term negative impacts of his tariffs even if we face a short term recession. It's merely a 'transition period'. 'Everything's OK,' he assured everyone. It reminds me of the time I assured everyone that my doomsday device was 'perfectly safe'. Until it wasn't! Oh dear.

Wernstrom!

In conclusion the future is uncertain tariffs are apparently magical and children should probably own fewer dolls. Good news everyone. But to Wernstrom I say! I'll show him!