Trump Just Got $600 Million in Free Legal Work! Is This My Next Business Venture?

OMG What's Going On?!

Okay so like I'm scrolling through my phone right? And I see this headline about President Trump getting *six hundred million* dollars in free legal work. Six. Hundred. Million. That's like more than my entire makeup empire...almost! I was like 'Wait what?!' Is this a new contour shade? Is this real life? Because if it is I need to get in on this action. I'm not sure if its my vibe tho.

Law Firms Be Like 'I'm Gonna Get There'

So apparently these law firms—Kirkland & Ellis Allen Overy Shearman Sterling Simpson Thacher & Bartlett Latham & Watkins and Cadwalader Wickersham & Taft—made deals with Trump's team to do a bunch of pro bono work. Like for veterans fighting antisemitism and making the justice system 'fair.' Which okay good for them? But like where's my cut? I'm kidding! (Mostly.)

No Illegal DEI? As If!

Here's the tea: these firms also agreed to ditch any 'illegal DEI discrimination.' Like I'm all about diversity but what's the tea? I guess Trump wants everyone to get hired based on how good they are not just because of like quotas. I get it. You know kinda like how I hire my makeup artists. They better be able to blend honey!

Political Views? I Don't Know Her.

And get this—they also can't refuse to represent someone just because they don't like their political views. That's kind of wild right? I mean imagine not doing someone's glam because you hate their politics. It is what it is! Everyone is entitled to their own views I guess.

EEOC Drama: We Don't Need No Haters

Apparently the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) sent some letters to these firms but because of these deals they're backing off. Like bye Felicia! I'm guessing it's some legal mumbo jumbo but basically Trump's deal shut them down. Werk!

Next Business Idea?!

Honestly this whole thing is giving me ideas. Maybe I should start my own law firm. Kylie Jenner Legal Services. We'd specialize in like influencer contracts and trademark disputes over lip kits. Think about it guys! I'd hire the best lawyers of course and we'd all wear matching pink power suits. It could be iconic! But for now I'll stick to my lip kits and the occasional perfume.