Trump to Trade Partners: 'They Drew First Blood, Not Me!' Deals Optional, Says President

No Deals? No Problem!

Heard about this Trump fella? Says we don't need no stinkin' trade deals! Reminds me of a time back in 'Nam. Charlie thought he had me cornered said I had to surrender. I looked him dead in the eye and said 'Nothing is over!' Apparently Trump feels the same way about trade. Everyone's bugging him about signing deals with other countries but he's all like 'We don't HAVE to sign deals! They need us more than we need them.' Classic.

Bilateral Brouhaha

Seems like everyone in Washington has been flapping their gums about these 'bilateral trade talks.' Trump’s team keeps saying countries are lining up for a piece of the American pie. But where's the beef? No agreements no frameworks just a lot of hot air. Trump's getting antsy wants the questions to stop. I get it. Being hunted ain't fun. But the only way to survive is to become the hunter. Maybe Trump needs a good ol' fashioned recon mission...to the negotiating table.

From Close to Nowhere

The Treasury Secretary this Bessent fella was yapping about being 'very close to some deals.' Trump himself said deals might drop this week. Empty promises are like a minefield kid. One wrong step and boom! He even mentioned India South Korea and Japan. But then he throws his own guys under the bus saying they were overpromising. Sounds like a leadership vacuum to me.

Luxury Goods and Loaded Guns

Trump says his administration is going to set the price for shopping in the U.S. Thinks of America as a 'super luxury store.' Well I always thought of America as the land of the free home of the brave and armed to the teeth. Maybe he should focus less on luxury stores and more on making sure the country’s locked and loaded in case things go south 'cause when you're pushed killing's as easy as breathing.

Market Mayhem

The markets are tanking investors are sweating and business leaders are praying for a miracle. They're hoping Trump can pull some rabbits out of a hat before the tariffs hit harder than a claymore in the jungle. But so far nada. Just empty promises and vague assurances. Reminds me of being behind enemy lines with no support no communication just grit and a whole lot of firepower.

Hope is a Dangerous Thing

So here we are waiting for these phantom deals to materialize. All we have are whispers about deals being 'close.' Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades pal. Until I see something concrete I'm not holding my breath. Remember hope is a dangerous thing. It can drive a man insane. Stay frosty and keep your powder dry.