Blimey! Muggle Government Botches Deportation Case Worse Than a Dementor's Kiss!

The Case of the Vanishing Salvadoran (Almost as Good as an Invisibility Cloak!)

Right so you won't believe the Ministry of... err the *muggle* government's latest blunder. It's like they've been confunded by Gilderoy Lockhart himself! They accidentally shipped off a chap named Kilmar Abrego Garcia to El Salvador to a prison no less! Apparently some judge a muggle one I presume ordered him back but the government's throwing a right hissy fit claiming they can't 'accio' him back. Honestly it's like they've never heard of a Portkey. Although maybe that's best for everyone involved.

He Who Must Not Be Deported (Unless You Mess Up Really Badly!)

Now get this: even *they* admit he shouldn't have been sent in the first place! Seems an immigration judge thought he'd be in a spot of bother with the local gangs. You know a bit like facing Voldemort but with less magic and more well muggle unpleasantness. They claim he's no longer in their custody which is just brilliant isn't it? It's like losing Norbert Hagrid's dragon all over again but with higher stakes.

The Supreme Court: More Confusing Than a Sphinx's Riddle?

Chief Justice John Roberts (sounds like someone who might have a magical portrait in the Ministry) decided to pause the whole thing. Apparently the government thinks the judge who ordered the return went a bit overboard. They're calling it a 'deluge of unlawful injunctions,' which sounds like something Professor Trelawney would predict. Meanwhile they're also trying to deport other folks to the same prison! It's all a bit 'eye of rabbit harp string hum turn this water into rum,' isn't it? Utterly bonkers.

Gang Affiliations: More Reliable Than a Skrewt on a Blind Date?

The White House (their version of the Ministry I suppose) is calling it an 'administrative error' and hinting he's in a gang called MS 13. But the bloke's lawyers are saying there's no proof! Honestly it's like accusing Hagrid of setting loose a monster in the Chamber of Secrets all over again. All bark and no bite really.

The Lawless Arrest: More Scandalous Than Rita Skeeter's Latest Article!

This Judge Xinis (another member of the Wizarding... I mean Muggle world) is calling the whole thing 'wholly lawless.' Strong words those! She's saying there's hardly any evidence to suggest he was ever in MS 13. It seems they just grabbed him and chucked him onto a plane. A bit like when the Ministry tried to expel me for using magic to save Dudley from the Dementors! Talk about a kangaroo court!

A Permit to Work? More Useful Than a Chocolate Frog Card Collection!

Turns out this chap had a permit to work legally in the US. He was even an apprentice! A sheet metal apprentice whatever that is. Sounds a bit like the Weasley's shed. And his wife's a citizen! It's all a right mess isn't it? They even barred him from being deported in 2019! Honestly it's like they're determined to create a situation as complicated as a time turner paradox.