Trump Accuses Comey of 'Assassination' Call: 'Wake Me When You Need Me' Edition

Comey's Shell Shock

Alright listen up Marines. This whole Comey Trump dust up is getting messier than a Grunt birthday party. Apparently ex FBI Director Comey posted a picture of some shells on Instagram. Harmless enough right? Wrong. According to President Trump those weren't just any shells; they were a coded message calling for his uh 'early retirement.' Seems a bit of a reach even for a Covenant plasma rifle.

Trump's Warthog Speed Reaction

The President faster than a Warthog on a straightaway immediately accused Comey of 'calling for the assassination of the president.' He went on to say 'A child knows what that meant.' Well I've fought children tougher than some Covenant Elites but I'm not sure even they could decipher Instagram shell codes. 'Wake me when you need me,' indeed.

The 8647 Enigma

So what's the big deal with '8647'? Apparently some folks online think it's a secret assassination code. Comey claims he didn't realize this and took the post down when he found out. Honestly I've seen less drama trying to defuse a Halo ring. This is reminiscent of the time Cortana tried to decrypt Forerunner glyphs except this time no one is sure what the glyphs even mean.

Denials and Dirty Cops

Comey denied he was calling for violence but Trump wasn't buying it saying Comey only apologized because he 'was hit.' He called Comey a 'dirty cop' and punted the whole issue to Attorney General Pam Bondi. I've seen cleaner fights in a Methane sea than this. Makes you wonder if we need a new Pelican just to drop all the drama off somewhere.

Secret Service Scramble

The Department of Homeland Security and the Secret Service are now investigating the post. Talk about overkill. Seems like they're taking this more seriously than the Covenant threat. Wonder if they'll find Forerunner tech hidden in those shells. Spoiler alert: Probably not.

The Future is Unwritten (or Un Instagrammed)

So where does this leave us? Trump wants 'Pam and all of the great people' to handle it. In the meantime I'm sure both sides will continue lobbing accusations like plasma grenades. Guess I'll just keep my helmet on and wait for the next crisis. 'I need a weapon?' Nah I need a vacation. Maybe somewhere without social media.