Bears. Beets. BREAKING: Trump Eyes 80% Tariff on China! Is This Good?

FALSE. Tariff Action!

As Assistant Regional Manager (in training) I Dwight K. Schrute am uniquely positioned to understand the intricacies of global trade. And let me tell you this news about President Trump considering an 80% tariff on China? It's...intriguing. Like a beet farmer pondering the optimal fertilizer blend one must consider all the angles. At first glance lowering tariffs from 145% is a bad idea. This will lead to a decrease in our profit from the imports that are coming into our country. Also there will be too many products from China coming into our country.

Beets Bears and Trade Wars: A Schrute Farms Perspective

An 80% tariff on Chinese goods is nothing! Do you know how much the beavers charge me to keep the dam up?! It's almost as much as the tariffs on goods coming from China into the country. But in my humble opinion this is still ridiculous! This is the same thing as Michael Scott making Erin Hannon the activities coordinator. Ridiculous! The U.S. exported $143.5 billion in goods to China while importing $438.9 billion! These numbers are mind blowing! This is not acceptable! President Trump must do better!

Scott Bessent: The New Sheriff in Town (or at Least in Switzerland)

I hear Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is heading to Switzerland for these trade talks. Good. Someone needs to keep those Commies in line. Switzerland huh? I bet they are eating chocolate and enjoying the mountains. Meanwhile the United States is making a terrible agreement to lower our tariffs on goods coming from China. If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.

Closed Markets? More Like Closed Minds!

President Trump is spot on when he says China should open up its market to the USA. Closed markets are like closed minds. I would know. I tried to bring my beet juice to the Scranton business park. They said no. It's like the time Michael declared bankruptcy. "I... DECLARE... BANKRUPTCY!" He couldn't just say it; he had to declare it. And China can't just keep their markets closed. It doesn't work anymore! Maybe I should be the one negotiating with them.

Stability? Or a Slow Motion Disaster?

This Jamieson Greer guy wants "stability." Stability is overrated. Ask any bear. They like to roam and hunt and occasionally maul unsuspecting paper salesmen. What America wants is control! This is why I am Assistant Regional Manager (in training).

The Schrute Solution: More Beets Less Baloney

The article mentions a decline in goods moving from China to the U.S. Sounds like a perfect opportunity to diversify. More beet based products! Beet wine beet fertilizer beet paper! Think of the possibilities! The only shortage we will be seeing is the shortage of beets in America! This article has made me realize that my beets are the solution to all of our economic problems! I have to go now! I have to start planning a meeting with President Trump to tell him about my beet plan!