Canada Ain't No Duloc! Trump Gets a Royal Rejection (and Maybe Needs a Hug)

Ogre the Line! Trump's Wild Pitch

Alright alright settle down folks! Donkey here your friendly neighborhood… uh… news…giver? Anyway word on the swamp is that President Trump bless his heart has been suggesting Canada become the 51st state. Like seriously? Did he think they'd just roll over like Gingy's gumdrop buttons? Our very own Prime Minister Carney bless his heart too stood his ground. Said Canada is NOT for sale! Not now not ever! Talk about a 'someBODY once told me'! I tell ya this is like when Shrek told me I could stay but then kept hinting I should leave. Confusing!

Maple Syrup and Sass: Carney Claps Back

Carney was all 'We're not changing our minds on this 51st state business.' He basically told Trump 'Get outta my swamp!' (figuratively speaking of course… Carney’s probably never even *seen* a swamp). I bet he was thinking 'What are you doing in my swamp?!' the whole time. Trump never one to back down just said 'Never say never.' Sounds like a line from a bad fairy tale doesn't it?

Trade Winds are a Changin' (and Maybe Smelling a Little Funky)

Now this whole kerfuffle is tied up with trade deals. Trump's been huffin' and puffin' about how everyone wants a piece of the American market but he doesn't need theirs. Apparently somebody's been eating too many onions! He even said he doesn't need Canadian cars energy or lumber. Lumber y'all! What about building a proper outhouse? I'm just saying a little kindness goes a long way. It's all ogre now... or is it?

Trump's Truth Social Tirade (and My Attempt at a Limerick)

Before the meeting Trump went on a Truth Social rant (as you do) about subsidizing Canada and giving them 'FREE Military Protection.' Free? Sounds fishy to me. He's claiming a 200 billion dollar subsidy which is like ALL the waffles in the world! Speaking of I gotta go! Waffles are calling me! Anyway I think I'll write a limerick about it later...

Economic Leeches and Socialist Regimes: Ouch!

Then some Commerce Secretary fella called Canada an 'economic leech' feeding off America. Ouch! That's gotta sting more than dragon breath! Said they have a 'socialist regime.' I don't even know what that means but it sounds like something Shrek would scare away with a loud roar! Maybe Canada just needs a good friend. I'd volunteer but I'm kinda busy being fabulous.

Tariffs and Tantrums: A Recipe for Disaster?

So Trump's been slapping tariffs on Canadian goods and exports to the US are dropping. Meanwhile exports to other countries are soaring! Looks like Canada's saying 'See ya later alligator!' The former US ambassador even said this whole thing is high stakes. Seems like Trump's been watchin' too many scary movies... or maybe just needs a good hug. Either way Donkey out! Gotta find those waffles!