The Ivy League's Tuition Deception: A Sith Lord's Investigation

A Disturbance in the Force: The Ivy League's Dark Side

I sense a disturbance in the Force a great imbalance in the realm of higher education. The House Judiciary Committee a mere shadow of the Galactic Senate has issued subpoenas to Brown University and the University of Pennsylvania. They seek answers but their methods are...primitive. These institutions like the Emperor himself are suspected of manipulating tuition rates of price fixing schemes that would make even a Hutt blush. Their arrogance is their weakness.

Inadequate Responses: Your Lack of Compliance is Disturbing

The pathetic responses from Brown and Penn have been deemed 'inadequate.' They claim to cooperate but their actions speak louder than words. It is as if they believe they can hide their transgressions from the scrutiny of the Dark Side. They have until July 22nd to comply. Harvard ever the eager apprentice has a deadline of July 17th. Perhaps fear will keep them in line. Or perhaps I will.

Price Discrimination: The Ultimate Betrayal

The committee in its infantile wisdom suspects these universities of using their knowledge of applicants' financial situations to maximize their profits. This is not merely greed; it is price discrimination a betrayal of the very principles of fairness. They squeeze every last credit from those who seek knowledge all while hoarding their vast resources. Such insolence will not go unpunished.

The Emperor's New Clothes: Transparency or Treachery?

These universities claim transparency yet they resist full disclosure. They offer up paltry documents a mere 8,000 pages as if that will satisfy the demands of justice. They remind me of the Trade Federation ever scheming and evasive. I will not be swayed by their empty promises. The truth will be revealed even if I must Force choke it out of them.

Legislative Reforms: A New Order for Education

The Congress in its limited capacity contemplates 'potential legislative reforms.' They seek to strengthen antitrust laws and impose penalties. But these are mere band aids on a gaping wound. What is needed is a fundamental shift in power a new order where universities are held accountable for their actions. I will see to it that their transgressions are not in vain. A new era for the Galactic Empire will commence.

The Dark Side Rises: Justice Will Be Served

The investigation continues. The Dark Side will not rest until these universities answer for their crimes. They may think they are untouchable but they underestimate the power of the Force and the resolve of a Sith Lord. Fear will keep them in line. Fear of this committee. Justice will be served and the galaxy…I mean the education system…will be a better place for it. Perhaps I should reinstate The Senate.