Harvard Under Attack! Trump Admin Pulls a Neuralyzer on International Students!

They're Here They're There They're Everywhere!

Alright people Agent J here. I'm on a new case and this one's a doozy. Turns out Harvard yeah that school is in a heap of trouble. The Trump administration's all up in their grill claiming they're letting in 'anti American pro terrorist agitators'. Seriously? Sounds like someone needs a good zap with a Neuralyzer. It seems the previous administration wants to pull a fast one and prevent Harvard from enrolling international students and tell the current ones to hit the road! I've seen aliens less hostile than this!

Lawsuit City!

So what does Harvard do? They lawyer up! They're suing faster than a Buggati Veyron on the autobahn claiming this ban is a straight up violation of their First Amendment rights. They're saying the government's trying to control their 'ideology'. Talk about a power trip! They ain't happy and neither am I. You don't just mess with a school's ability to educate people. That's messed up!

Show Me the Money (and the Students)!

Homeland Security though they ain't backing down. They're all like 'It's a privilege not a right to enroll foreign students.' They're saying Harvard's just padding their pockets with that sweet sweet international tuition money. Ouch! That stings. They're saying they wanna bring 'common sense' back to the student visa system. But last time I checked common sense ain't got no room for kicking out thousands of students.

Graduation Interrupted!

And get this folks: this whole thing went down just days before graduation! Can you imagine? Talk about a mood killer. Harvard's pretty clear about it: "Without its international students Harvard is not Harvard," the suit says. Translation: it will be like K without the FC

Demands and Retribution!

So get this the suit alleges that the Trump administration had been dangling billions in federal funding in front of Harvard but only if they agreed to make some 'sweeping changes.' And when Harvard said 'Nah we good,' BAM! The funding got frozen faster than a bad guy in Mr. Freeze's lair.

Open to the World?

Harvard's President Alan Garber is trying to keep the peace telling the international students 'You are vital members of our community.' He promises to fight to keep Harvard 'open to the world.' Good. Cause if this thing gets any weirder I might have to call in the big guns. You know the MiB and we ain't playing nice.