Boeing Gets Zapped Back to Profitability with Qatar Airways Deal: Trump Takes Credit, Naturally

Holy Mother of Pearl That's a Lotta Metal!

Alright folks Agent J here reporting live from… well not the front lines of an alien invasion this time but close enough. Word on the street – and by street I mean the White House lawn – is that Boeing just snagged a $96 billion deal with Qatar Airways. That's up to 210 aircraft enough to make even the Bug blush. Apparently it's the 'largest ever widebody order' for Boeing. I've seen smaller asteroids but whatever. Point is it's big. Real big. Like Will Smith in a giant robot suit big.

Trump's All Over It Like a Cheap Suit

Of course Mr. Ex President couldn't resist sticking his fingers in the pie. The deal happened during his visit with the emir of Qatar. The White House is saying this deal will support 154,000 U.S. jobs annually. That's a lot of mouths to feed or a lot of Neuralyzers to buy depending on how you look at it. But hey who am I to complain? Maybe some of those jobs will involve building better defenses against intergalactic pests. One can only hope.

777X: Still Grounded Still a Mystery

Now here's the kicker: Boeing hasn't delivered any of their fancy 777X planes yet. They're behind schedule and the FAA hasn't given 'em the green light. Sounds like a paperwork nightmare even for Zorgonians. Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg was all smiles next to Trump at the signing ceremony though. Guess a $96 billion deal can fix a lot of problems including a bad case of the Mondays. Maybe.

Boeing's Bumpy Ride Back to Profitville

Let's be real Boeing's had a rough patch. They haven't turned a profit since 2018. Safety concerns manufacturing whoopsies and a good ol' fashioned strike… it's been a circus. And just when things were looking up the ex President's trade war with China threw a wrench in the works. But hey maybe this Qatar Airways deal is the shot in the arm they need. Like a fresh Neuralyzer blast to the balance sheet.

South Carolina Gets a Slice of the Pie

Senator Lindsey Graham is doing the happy dance apparently. He says these new planes will be built in Charleston. Good for them! More jobs more planes more opportunities for rogue aliens to stow away. I'm gonna need a bigger Neuralyzer... and maybe a stronger cup of coffee.

Air Force One: Still Fancy Still Controversial

And finally the cherry on top: Qatar offered to gift the U.S. a luxury 747 jet to be the new Air Force One. Some folks are calling it corrupt. Others say it's unconstitutional. Me? I'm just wondering if it comes with anti alien weaponry. You never know when you might need to vaporize a few space roaches on your way to a diplomatic summit. Remember it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and get probed by the guy.