Holy Streaming Wars Batman! ESPN Invades Disney+! Is Your Wallet Ready?

Jarvis Analyze This Disney Deal!

Alright people let's break this down. So Disney in their infinite wisdom (and probably after a few board meetings fueled by kale smoothies) decided to mash together ESPN and Disney+. Apparently they think you can't get enough of Mickey Mouse AND screaming dudes in helmets. Who am I to judge? I once dated a woman who collected porcelain cats. Different strokes I guess. Anyway they're adding an ESPN tile to Disney+ which if you're already shelling out for ESPN+ lets you watch sports stuff without leaving the magical kingdom. Smart Disney very smart.

A Hundred Games?! Is This Some Kind of Joke?

But wait there's more! (I always wanted to say that). They're throwing in about 100 live games for Disney+ subscribers *without* needing ESPN+. College football NBA NHL even… *shudders*… baseball. Look I appreciate a good sporting event as much as the next genius billionaire playboy philanthropist but baseball? That's like watching paint dry only slower. At least they're including the 'Simpsons' NFL game. Now *that's* entertainment. "Worst. Episode. Ever."

Pitaro's Pitch: Serving Sports Fans 'Anytime Anywhere'

According to ESPN Chairman Jimmy Pitaro (who sounds like he should be selling used cars) the goal is to "serve sports fans anytime anywhere." Which let's be honest sounds suspiciously like Skynet's mission statement. But hey maybe he just wants you to watch sports while you're waiting in line for Space Mountain. Who knows? They're even adding some studio shows like 'College Gameday' and 'Pardon the Interruption'. Because what's better than watching people argue about sports when you could be you know *playing* sports? Don't answer that.

Integrated Search: Because Who Has Time to Click?

They're even integrating ESPN into the Disney+ search function. So if you're looking for 'Moana' and accidentally type 'Montana,' you might end up with a rodeo. Technology ladies and gentlemen! It's not magic it's science! Oh and if you click on something that requires an ESPN subscription they'll hit you with a pop up ad faster than you can say 'I am Iron Man.' Sneaky Disney sneaky.

New Content: 'SportsCenter' Gets the Disney Treatment

And drumroll please... They're creating two *new* studio shows *specifically* for Disney+! A daily 'SportsCenter' and a show about women's sports. Which is... progressive I guess? Look I'm all for empowering women but I'm also all for robots and explosions. Priorities people! They say these shows are for "casual" sports fans. Which let's face it means people who only watch sports when there's nothing else on TV. Or when they're forced to by their significant others.

The Bottom Line: Is It Worth It?

So what's the verdict? Is this ESPN/Disney+ mashup a stroke of genius or a corporate cash grab? Well if you're already paying for Disney+ it's basically a free appetizer of sports. But if you're not a sports fanatic it's probably just going to clutter your home screen. As for me I'm sticking with building Iron Man suits. At least those are *guaranteed* to provide entertainment... and existential dread.