Warner Bros Discovery Restructuring Is It a Schrute Farms Level Disaster!?

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Business?

As Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) I Dwight K. Schrute am uniquely qualified to comment on the latest developments at Warner Bros. Discovery. It seems they are undergoing a restructuring dividing themselves like beets in my garden – some for pickling (linear networks) others for… beet infused smoothies (streaming). It’s a bold move reminiscent of my decision to consolidate my beet farm with Schrute Farms Bed and Breakfast. Efficiency is key people! And sometimes bears eat your beets.

Linear Networks: The Old Testament of Television

This new 'Global Linear Networks' division sounds suspiciously like… television. The kind we watched *before* we all stared at screens the size of postage stamps. CNN TBS TNT – these are the foundations upon which the streaming empire is built! Like the pillars of a strong barn they must be maintained. Though frankly I prefer the History Channel. More documentaries about ancient weaponry and less… Jim Halpert style pranks.

Streaming & Studios: Max Power!

Ah 'Streaming & Studios.' This is where the *real* action is isn't it? Housing the film studios and Max (not to be confused with my maximum beet harvesting capacity) this division is clearly aiming for 'growth.' One wonders if Michael Scott is heading the Marketing department. I wouldn't trust him to launch a paper airplane let alone a streaming service. It requires the discipline of a black belt… which of course I have.

HBO? Under Streaming? That’s What She Said!

HBO the crown jewel of… well premium television is being slotted under the streaming unit. A person 'familiar with the matter' confirmed this. Probably a low level employee desperate for attention. This is a strategic placement like positioning the scarecrow in the optimal spot to ward off crows. Let's just hope they don't start making *too* many documentaries about beet farming. That's MY territory!

Comcast Joins the Fray: A Plot Thicker Than Beet Stew

Comcast that behemoth of cable is also spinning off its networks. It's like a synchronized swimming routine only with corporations and billions of dollars. This all sounds vaguely familiar to the Sabre acquisition… a complex maneuver requiring sharp business acumen (and maybe a stapler in Jell O to distract the competition).

Zaslav's Vision: The Future is Now (and Beet Flavored)

David Zaslav CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery speaks of 'driving free cash flow' and 'telling the world's most compelling stories.' He needs to get on a zoom call with me right away. He should be telling the story of beets! It is an American story it is a family story it is history. I believe in this company… mostly because I have a small (but growing) investment portfolio. Plus I'm hoping to sell them the Schrute Farms Bed and Breakfast story. It's a guaranteed hit!