Trump Uses Triforce of Power to Get Law Firms to Do His Bidding! Is This the End of Hyrule?

Hyrule's Legal Landscape: A New Quest?

By the goddesses! As the Hero of Time (though some days I feel more like the Hero of Laundry) even I'm a bit taken aback by this news. Apparently a fellow named Donald Trump – not to be confused with a particularly grumpy Goron – has convinced five law firms to commit over $600 million in pro bono work. It seems even the legal world isn’t immune to quests though I'm not sure if the reward is a piece of the Triforce or just a slightly less chaotic Hyrule… err I mean United States.

The Firms Strike a Deal: 'Courage Need Not Be Remembered for It Is Never Forgotten... Unless You're a Lawyer Maybe'

These firms – Kirkland & Ellis LLP Allen Overy Shearman Sterling US LLP Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLP Latham & Watkins LLP and Cadwalader Wickersham & Taft LLP – are each pledging hefty sums to causes dear to Trump's heart including helping veterans fighting anti Semitism and ensuring a 'fair' justice system. One wonders if 'fair' includes giving the occasional Moblin a fair trial. Probably not. But perhaps we should consider this I heard the moblins are striking a deal of their own!

No More 'Illegal DEI Discrimination': Is This a Trick or a Treat?

And here's where it gets interesting! These firms have also agreed to avoid 'illegal DEI discrimination and preferences' and embrace 'Merit Based Hiring.' Now I'm all for merit. After all you don't get to wield the Master Sword by just being good looking (though admittedly it helps). But I do hope this doesn’t mean we'll be seeing less diversity among the ranks. We wouldn't want Hyrule... I mean the U.S.A. to become a kingdom of just Hylians would we?

Political Views? Keep Them to Yourself Says Trump!

Trump has also mandated that these firms not deny representation based on the personal political views of individual lawyers. In other words even if you think Trump is as annoying as Tingle trying to sell you maps you still have to represent him. That's a tough pill to swallow even for someone who regularly eats questionable mushrooms found in the Lost Woods.

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission Retreats: Did Someone Blow the Ocarina of Time?

As if by magic the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has withdrawn letters it sent to Kirkland Allen Simpson and Latham on March 17. It seems the winds of change are blowing and the EEOC is now playing a different tune. Perhaps they heard the Song of Storms and decided discretion was the better part of valor.

The Future of Law? Will We All Need a Fairy Companion?

So what does this all mean? Well for starters it seems the legal world is as complex and unpredictable as navigating the Great Sea. And if Trump can get law firms to bend to his will what's next? Will he demand all lawyers wear green tunics and pointy hats? Will we all need a fairy companion to tell us what to do next? Only time will tell my friends. Only time will tell. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Moblin to prosecute.