Netflix Conquers All! Even Ganon Would Subscribe (Probably)

A Winning Streak Fit for a Hero

Hylians gather 'round! Your Princess Zelda here reporting live from Hyrule (via my enchanted Sheikah Slate of course). I've been following this 'Netflix' business and by the Goddess Hylia it's been on a roll! Apparently its stock has been trading positively for 11 days straight – a record! It reminds me of Link when he finally gets the Master Sword; unstoppable!

Rupees Rain Down: Revenue Soars!

This 'Netflix' reported that revenue grew by 13% in the first quarter of 2025! Can you believe it? Even more than the number of pots Link smashes in a single village! Apparently this is due to folks subscribing and watching all those moving pictures and advertisements.

Trump's Trade Wars? Netflix Laughs in 4K!

While some other media companies are taking hits harder than a Cucco attack 'Netflix' seems to be dodging those trade war tariffs like Link dodging a Guardian laser. Co CEO Greg Peters said 'Based on what we are seeing by actually operating the business right now there's nothing really significant to note.' He claims that entertainment is resilient even in tough times! That makes two of us buddy. After all who doesn't want a little Hyrule escapism in a downturn?

Traditional Media: More Like Traditional Trouble

While 'Netflix' is thriving like a freshly watered Deku Baba other media companies are facing harder times than trying to find all 900 Korok seeds. Warner Bros. Discovery and Disney are reportedly down since President Trump's second term started. Maybe they should try adding more dragons or something. People love dragons right?

Price Hike? No Problem!

Even with higher prices (standard plan is $17.99 ad supported is $7.99 and premium is $24.99 – more expensive than elixirs!) people are still signing up. 'Netflix' has stopped sharing membership numbers focusing on revenue instead. Sneaky but effective like using a fairy to revive you at the last minute. That's business acumen for you! Who needs rupees when you have subscribers?

The Future is Bright (and Streamed)

JPMorgan sees more upside for these shares and calls 'Netflix' the 'clear leader in global streaming'. They're even optimistic about advertising upfronts! Goodness it appears that 'Netflix' is heading toward becoming global TV which is great for everyone. They're on the pathway to becoming global TV...Advertising Upfronts in May should serve as a positive catalyst to shares," analysts wrote. Perhaps one day they'll stream my adventures and people will finally understand why I’m always getting kidnapped!