Why So Serious, Yum!?: A New Clown Prince of Fast Food

A New Face in the Frying Pan

Well well well... Look who's climbing the greasy ladder of success! Chris Turner eh? Sounds like a perfectly sane name for a perfectly boring individual. Taking over from David Gibbs who's decided to fade into the background like a bad joke. Gibbs wants to be an advisor until 2026? He should know 'If you're good at something never do it for free.' Bet there is some serious money involved.

From Pepsi to Pizza: A Clown's Curriculum Vitae

Our Mr. Turner here he's been around the block. PepsiCo McKinsey... all those soul sucking corporate giants. Now he's landed at Yum! with all those finger lickin' bell ringin' hut havin' brands. Probably thinks he's got it all figured out. Thinks he can control the chaos. Oh the irony! It's like I always say: 'All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.’ Or in this case one bad batch of spicy chicken.

Iconic Brands? More Like Iconic Targets!

He says he's 'honored' to lead these 'iconic brands.' Honored? Please! They're just puppets waiting for someone to pull the strings. Someone with a flair for the dramatic. 'Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.' And chaos tastes delicious with a side of seasoned fries.

Digital Ordering: The Future of Anarchy

Gibbs was all about digital ordering and value menus? How predictable! But hey if people want their processed meat delivered by robots who am I to judge? It just makes it easier to mess with their orders. Imagine the possibilities! Extra hot sauce? A side of...surprise? The point is to be unpredictable. Because as you know madness is like gravity...all it needs is a little push.

Consumer Spending: A Game of Chicken

Turner's gonna keep pushing those 'value menus,' huh? Trying to squeeze every last penny out of the poor saps. They think they're saving money but they're just fueling the machine. But hey if they are on a budget perhaps they can't afford a joke? I crack myself up don't I? 'Why so serious?' after all.

World Domination One Taco Bell at a Time

KFC Taco Bell Pizza Hut... all spreading like a virus across 150 countries. Pretty soon the whole world will be addicted to their processed goodness. And who will be there to laugh as it all crumbles? Me of course! Because at the end of the day it's all just a game. And I'm always the one who gets the last laugh...unless someone wants to come and play! Shares are up 5%? Now THAT's a joke!