Why So Serious? Planes Fall, Stocks Soar, and I'm Loving Every Second!

Boeing Goes Down...Down...Down!

A Boeing Dreamliner went nighty night shortly after takeoff! Oh the humanity! 242 souls onboard... Poof! Just like that. Shares are down 7.5%. Now now don't be sad! It's all part of the plan! Some men just want to watch the world burn and apparently some planes too. GE Aerospace is feeling the pinch too down 4.6%. *chuckles maniacally*

Oracle's Laughing All the Way to the Bank

But wait! Some good news for a change! Oracle is swimming in cash! Their fourth quarter earnings beat expectations sending their stock soaring nearly 9%! All that cloud computing must be paying off. Makes you wonder though... is it really good news? Or just a stepping stone to something... bigger? More chaotic? Hehehe!

GameStop's Gamble: Bitcoin Bonanza or Bust?

Ah GameStop! The meme stock that could! Or couldn't. Now they're planning to sell $1.75 billion in notes to... buy Bitcoin? Is this a joke? It's beautiful! Watching them dance with madness. Shares are down almost 16%. You know madness is like gravity... all it needs is a little push!

CoreWeave Rides the AI Wave!

CoreWeave's climbing thanks to some AI deal with OpenAI and Alphabet. Up more than 1%! AI huh? Sounds like a recipe for total anarchy. Just imagine the possibilities! The data they could collect! The chaos they could unleash! It gives me chills...good chills!

Biotech Bedlam: CureVac Gets a Cure From BioNTech!

CureVac just got bought by BioNTech in an all stock deal worth $1.25 billion! Their stock jumped 30%! See sometimes all it takes is a little...mercy. Or maybe a lot of money. Who am I to judge? BioNTech is down a fraction who cares! We are all clowns here!

Voyaging to the Stars (and Down to Earth)

Voyager Technologies the space tech stock is defying gravity popped 4.5% premarket! Out of this world! Seems like everyone's trying to escape this madhouse. Me? I prefer to stay and watch the fun. I'm an agent of chaos!