Why So Serious? JBS Meat Debuts on NYSE, Corruption and All!

A Little Birdie Told Me...

Well well well what do we have here? JBS the meat mountain of a company finally waltzes onto the New York Stock Exchange! Shares opened at $13.65 valuing the whole shebang at a cool $30 billion. That's enough to make Tyson Foods choke on their chicken! Why so serious Tysons? You should see the look on your faces! Honestly you people. You think you can upset the established order just by showing up? Shares closed slightly higher at $13.87. A small win but enough to make them grin like a hyena in a butcher shop.

A Day Late and a Dollar Short (or Maybe $30 Billion)

Apparently our friends at JBS couldn't quite get their ducks (or should I say cows?) in a row in time for their initial Thursday debut. Some 'operational procedures' needed shall we say a little... tweaking? Now trading under the oh so subtle ticker 'JBS,' they've officially jumped the Sao Paolo Exchange ship. Dual listing? Please! They're going global baby! I am an agent of chaos.

From Humble Beginnings to Global Domination (and a Few Bribes Along the Way)

Seven decades! That's how long it took JBS to become the world's biggest meat grinder. Last year? A measly $77.2 billion in net revenue and $2 billion in net income. Don't strain yourselves fellas! They've got divisions everywhere: Brazil the U.S. Australia... They even own over 80% of Pilgrim's Pride! The world is a stage and everyone is wearing a meat suit.

The Long and Winding Road (Paved with Good Intentions and Bad Decisions)

Fifteen years in the making! This U.S. listing has been a rollercoaster ride. Announced in 2009 postponed twice... Then in 2016 BAM! IPO plans resurface. But hold on the Brazilian government decides to throw a wrench in the gears with a little 'corruption investigation.' Seems like someone forgot to pay their dues...or maybe paid them a little too generously? Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.

Pay to Play? More Like Pay to Stay Out of Jail

J & F Investimentos the puppet masters behind JBS coughed up a $3.2 billion fine in 2017 to settle bribery charges. The Batista brothers Joesley and Wesley the company's top shareholders and sons of its founder managed to escape the slammer by singing like canaries. And who can forget their $27 million slap on the wrist from the SEC in 2020? Scandalous! They conveniently stepped down then BOOM! Back on the board after being acquitted of insider trading. How convenient!

Amazonian Beef and Political Meats

And just when you thought the drama was over JBS gets fined for buying cattle raised illegally in the Amazon! Honestly these guys are like a comedy troupe. Their colorful history of corruption even sparked opposition to the U.S. listing from both sides of the aisle! But fear not! Pilgrim's Pride in a stroke of genius donated $5 million to Trump's inauguration committee. 'A long bipartisan history,' they claim. I bet. The SEC caved in April and shareholders narrowly approved the move. See? A little chaos can go a long way. After all it's all part of the plan.