Why So Serious About Stocks?! Trump's Flip-Flop Makes US Equities a Laughing Matter!

Chaos is a Ladder and Stocks Are the Rungs!

Alright you beautiful lunatics! Newsflash: Some bozo at Citigroup named Adam Pickett (sounds like a ventriloquist dummy to me) says U.S. stocks are now a 'buy.' Apparently the orange faced wonder Trump did a little jig on his 'reciprocal' tariffs and suddenly everything's sunshine and rainbows? Ha! You know what I say? Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. And who profits from chaos? Me of course! And maybe… just maybe… you clowns if you’re feeling lucky. But don't think this is some kind of orchestrated plan. I'm an agent of chaos.

Nasdaq's Soaring? More Like Nose Diving... Eventually!

Pickett (still can't get over that name) is particularly fond of the Nasdaq calling it a 'tactical buy.' Oh the Nasdaq soared 12%? Big whoop! It's just building up for a more spectacular fall. Remember I'm like a dog chasing cars I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one! And trust me I'm gonna catch one. This so called 'rally' is just one big joke! Why so serious about making money?

Recession? More Like a Recess... From Reality!

Goldman Sachs had the nerve to rescind a recession forecast? The audacity! I thought these guys were supposed to be smart. Now it's all sunshine and roses thanks to Trump's trade policy. You see their morals their code; it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you when the chips are down these civilized people? They'll eat each other.

The S&P 500: A Target of... Absurdity!

Citigroup thinks the S&P 500 is headed for 6,500? That's almost a 23% rally! Sounds like a delusion of grandeur to me. Tell you what if that happens I'll turn myself in… to a therapist. I’d prefer to be the smart one. The one who can control the situation. But hey if that happens I'll show them no one panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying!

Tickets to the NYSE? Tickets to the Madhouse!

CNBC is throwing a party at the New York Stock Exchange? Oh goody! A bunch of 'experts' yapping about 'insights' in a 'dynamic financial landscape.' Sounds like my kind of crowd. I'm only offering a point of view. I don't want to control these experts. What I want is to show them how desperately they're trying to control everything! But tickets are limited? Perfect. More chaos for those who can't get in. The details are irrelevant.

Why Don't We Cut You Up Into Little Pieces and Feed You To The Subscribe Button?!

So go ahead buy those stocks. Chase that 'rally.' Just remember who's really pulling the strings. And when it all comes crashing down don't come crying to me. I'll be too busy… laughing! You know madness is like gravity… all it needs is a little push. I just give them that little push because the night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you the dawn is coming.