Why So Serious About Goldman Sachs's Downgrade?! Is the Joke on Them?

A Little Birdie Told Me… About Goldman's Troubles

Alright alright settle down you beautiful bunch of losers! So word on the street – and by 'street' I mean that fancy schmancy Wall Street – is that Goldman Sachs is having a bit of a 'moment.' Morgan Stanley those killjoys decided to downgrade them. Said something about tariffs and 'recession risk.' Boooring! Why so serious fellas? Can't a guy enjoy a little chaos? It's all part of the plan see? Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.

Investment Banking: The Fastest Twitch in Town!

Apparently Goldman's heavily reliant on investment banking which Morgan Stanley thinks is like super sensitive to market freak outs. They call it a 'twitch response.' Heh 'twitch.' Makes it sound like someone's about to lose their marbles. Or their money! And doesn't that just put a smile on your face? Because I am living proof that showing people how crazy your are is a really good way of getting what you want.

Trump's Tariffs: A Beautiful Mind at Work?

And guess who's the puppet master this time? Old Donnie T with his tariff tantrums. They're whispering about a recession. A slow down. Well isn't that just a laugh? They thought a second Trump term would bring a wave of deals. Now they're gonna get a tidal wave of… something else entirely! It's not about the money... it's about sending a message. Everything burns!

Apple Card: A Rotten Apple?

But wait there's more! Seems Goldman's got this Apple Card thing and a bunch of folks with not so great credit scores are using it. Morgan Stanley's worried a recession could make that portfolio worth less. You know I've noticed nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If I tell the press that like tomorrow a gang banger will get shot or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up nobody panics because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor is gonna die well then everyone loses their minds!

Shares in Freefall: Is This a New High Score?

The stock's already taken a nosedive. Down more than 3% premarket and over 17% year to date. Let’s put a smile on that face. Is that a sign of things to come? Will Goldman's fall be spectacular? Only time and a whole lot of chaos will tell! I’m an agent of chaos. Oh and I know about chaos.

CNBC Pro LIVE: Now That Sounds Like a Party!

Oh and they're having some kind of shindig at the New York Stock Exchange CNBC Pro LIVE they are calling it. Experts talent cocktails... Sounds like the perfect place for a little unscripted drama doesn't it? After all when the chips are down these civilized people they'll eat each other. See I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.