Palantir's AI Stampede: Is It All Part of the Plan, or Just Chaos?

A Little Birdie Told Me... Earnings Met!

So Palantir met earnings expectations. *Yawn*. You know what I say? Why so serious? Everyone expects something. Did they deliver? Sure. But did they deliver... fun? No. A little chaos? A splash of the unexpected? Now that's what I call a party! Shares are down 9% after hours? HA! Predictable. You see their so called 'AI revolution' is just another game... with rules. And I my friends am an agent of chaos.

Revenue? Oh It's All Part of the Game...

$884 million in revenue versus $863 million expected? That's barely a rounding error! What is that to a guy like me? I wouldn't leave home for that! Karp that CEO fella says they're in the "middle of a tectonic shift." Tectonic! Like the earth is rumbling. Please! I AM the tectonic shift. I make things… unpredictable. I introduce a little… anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.

Government and Commercial: The Sweet Sweet Symphony of Destruction

71% growth in commercial 45% in government? Oh the government loves its toys doesn't it? Especially shiny AI toys. Makes you wonder what they're *really* using it for eh? I bet they're not painting happy little trees. No they are all psychopaths. And you know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If I tell the press that like tomorrow a gang banger will get shot or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up nobody panics because it's all *part of the plan*. But when I say that one little old mayor will die well then everyone loses their minds!

A Stampede? More Like a Clown Parade!

Karp says the demand is a "stampede" and a "ravenous whirlwind." Sounds messy! I like messy. He also quoted Nixon and the New Testament in his letter to shareholders. You know politicians. Always quoting something to make themselves sound important. It's all a performance a grand theatrical production. And I'm just here to heckle from the balcony. You see madness as you know is like gravity...all it needs is a little push!

Defying Gravity: Is It Luck or Just Good Crime?

Up 64% this year? Best performer in the S&P 500? It's good to be the king! Or in this case the best performing stock. And all thanks to defense contracts and Trump's efforts. Funny how money makes the world go round eh? It's not about the money it's about sending a message. Everything burns!

Deals Deals Deals: Is This All There Is?

139 deals worth at least $1 million? Big whoop! Wake me up when they start painting the town purple! You know this whole thing is missing something. A little… pizzazz. A little… me. The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And I am nothing if not sensible.