Is United Airlines About to Crash and Burn!?

Why So Serious About Domestic Flights?

Well well well what do we have here? United Airlines those purveyors of cramped legroom and questionable snacks are cutting domestic flights! Seems like people are finally catching on to my way of thinking: why fly somewhere boring when you can create your own excitement right here? A little anarchy you know? 'Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.'

International Adventures: A Jester's Paradise

Ah but international travel that's where the real fun begins. Apparently all you Gothamites want to gallivant across the globe! More premium cabins they say? More expensive seats? HA! You're just begging to be taken for a ride. You know it's not about the money; it's about sending a message. Everything burns!

Profits and Prophets: A Clown's Perspective

So United made a profit didn't quite meet expectations blah blah blah. It's all a game folks a performance. And let me tell you the world is a stage and the stage is full of terribly bad yet slightly amusing actors. You think these numbers matter? You think your little analyst predictions mean anything? 'Madness is like gravity all it takes is a little push.'

Delta's Doubt and the Dance of Uncertainty

Even Delta is sweating! Uncertainty in the market they whine. Oh boo hoo. If they want uncertainty I'll give them uncertainty! I'll put a smile on that market's face! But seriously folks it is funny how the clowns running these airlines act.

Recession? More Like a Punchline!

A recession you say? United expects less profit? That's adorable. You think money is the answer to everything? News flash: it's not. People only reveal who they are when they are about to lose everything. And I intend to be there when they do.

The Last Laugh

So as United fiddles with its flight schedules and worries about the economy I'll be here watching it all burn. Remember folks a flight cut here a profit margin missed there... it's all part of the plan. MY plan! And you know what they say... 'Why don't we put a smile on that face!'