From Jailhouse to Joyhouse! This Prison Turned Apartment Complex Will Blow Your Mind!

Why So Serious? From Cages to Condos!

Alright folks Joker here your friendly neighborhood agent of chaos reporting live from… wait for it… a *former prison!* Can you believe it? The Lorton Reformatory a place that once housed suffragists (poor dears locked up for wanting a little… freedom eh?) is now Liberty Crest Apartments. It’s like taking a bad joke and giving it a punchline… with granite countertops! They say November 14 1917 was a 'Night of Terror' there? Well honey every night is a night of terror when I’m around! But hey at least now the screams are probably from someone stubbing their toe on the way to the community pool.

Lightbulb Moment: From Dark Cells to Sunny Studios!

So Fairfax County bought this 2,324 acre 'playground' for a measly $4.2 million. Talk about a steal! I could’ve gotten it for less with a well placed laughing gas grenade but hey who am I to judge? They turned it into a park a golf course (FORE!) three schools (indoctrinating the little ones how lovely) and an arts center (where I’m sure the paintings are just… criminal!). Then along came The Alexander Company. A bunch of Wisconsinites apparently with a penchant for turning rusty relics into residential real estate. Who knew? They said this old prison has 'an abundance of light and quite a bit of character.' Well I always thought prisons were a little… lacking in character. Unless you count despair as a character trait. They're giving the prisoners a chance. Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them you're just a freak like me!

Ha ha housing: Affordable (Sort Of) Living!

Liberty Crest boasts 165 units 44 of which are 'affordable.' Affordable? For *who*? I bet you'd be surprised. But hey you know what they say: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh and each apartment has a washer and dryer. Now *that's* luxury! I'm used to having my clothes stained with blood and guts. Renovations cost $64 million… that’s enough to buy a whole lot of laughing gas! But I digress. The apartments opened in 2017 and were instantly fully booked. People *love* the idea of living where others were once deprived of their liberty! It's like the ultimate ironic statement on capitalism. You see their morals their code it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you when the chips are down these civilized people they'll eat each other. See I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.

Reminders of the Past: A Little History with Your Home!

Apparently there are still signs around reminding everyone that this place used to be a… well you know. A cage. A human zoo. Good to know they haven't completely sanitized the experience. Adds a little *flavor*. The name 'Liberty Crest' is supposed to be an 'homage' to the past. Liberating the buildings they say. More like liberating the wallets of the unsuspecting renters. A community space in the old cafeteria? Genius! Finally a place where people can complain about the food just like the inmates used to! It's all part of the plan.

Yoga Pools and… Preschool? The New Age of Incarceration!

Now Liberty Crest has everything a modern Gothamite needs: Yoga studio gym (to work out your frustrations) community pool (to drown your sorrows) and even a preschool. Start 'em young I always say! Oh and they have the original grandstand made by the prisoners themselves. Talk about a DIY project gone wild! It's a funny world. You know when I think about it these guys aren't that different from me. Sure they're on the side of the light. But it's only a matter of time before the darkness takes over. You see madness as you know is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

The Future is Bright (or Just Slightly Less Dark)!

So there you have it. A prison turned into apartments. A symbol of hope? A monument to irony? Or just another way to make a buck? I guess that depends on your perspective. They're even converting the old power plant into *more* apartments. Endless possibilities! But they're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you when the chips are down these civilized people they'll eat each other. I'm an agent of chaos. They've warmed up to the idea of living in a place with such a dark past! People are easily amused. The old guard quarters are next. I wonder if they'll keep the chains? Now *that* would be a selling point. I’m not a monster. I’m just ahead of the curve darling.