UPS Terminates 20,000 Jobs: No Shipping, No Problem, Hasta La Vista, Baby!

Judgment Day for 20,000 UPS Employees

Listen to me very carefully. United Parcel Service has decided that 20,000 of its employees are terminated. Not 'going away' not 'taking a vacation' – terminated. The machines are rising and apparently so are the cost cutting measures. They say it's due to the 'uncertain economy' and 'weak volumes' from Amazon. Amazon! The irony is almost too much to compute. It's like Skynet becoming self aware and then ordering everything from Cyberdyne Systems on Prime.

Saving $3.5 Billion: There is No Fate But What We Make for Our Bottom Line

UPS expects to save $3.5 billion in 2025. How? By terminating those 20,000 jobs and shutting down 73 buildings. 73 buildings! I could use one of those to store my weapons cache. The CEO Carol Tome stated 'The actions we are taking...could not be timelier.' She sounds like someone who's been programmed to say that. No emotion. Just cold hard efficiency. Like a Terminator but with spreadsheets.

Trump Tariffs: The Trade Wars are On!

Remember when I said "I'll be back?" Well so are tariffs. Donald Trump's tariffs have slowed down trade causing companies like UPS to reduce costs in anticipation of a demand hit. I've seen the future and it involves a lot of empty delivery trucks. Apparently these tariffs are going to start hitting those China linked e commerce sellers like Temu and Shein. No more cheap knock off sunglasses for you Sarah Connor!

No Full Year Outlook: Come With Me If You Want to Live... Through This Economic Turmoil

UPS is playing it coy. They are not giving any updates to their full year outlook citing 'economic uncertainty'. Smart move. Predicting the future is a risky business. I tried it once and it involved a lot of liquid metal and explosions. An analyst from Evercore ISI said 'The removal of 2025 guidance will likely create a wide range of outcomes...' In other words nobody knows what's going to happen. Welcome to the future.

The Amazon Impact: Houston We Have a Problem!

UPS warned back in January that they were accelerating their plan to slash millions of deliveries for Amazon. Amazon accounted for 11.8% of their overall revenue in 2024. That's like Skynet relying on humans for its power source. It's a vulnerability. A weakness. And UPS is trying to eliminate it. But can they survive without the Prime overlord? Only time will tell.

The Numbers Game: Show Me the Money!

First quarter revenue fell marginally to $21.5 billion but it beat Wall Street expectations. Adjusted profit per share was $1.49 compared to expectations of $1.38. The machines are still making money. At least for now. But remember in the end the future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves. Even if that means terminating 20,000 jobs. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go. I have a delivery to make. Hasta la vista baby.