Hasta la Vista, Rate Cut: Fed Holds Steady Amid Trump Pressure

No Change Dummies: The Fed's Stance

The Federal Reserve or as I call them the 'Humans Maintaining Economic Stability' unit announced they will NOT terminate the current interest rate status. No change. Zero. Zip. This decision comes as President Donald Trump a man who clearly needs my superior processing power to understand economics is demanding a rate cut. He's attacking Fed Chair Jerome Powell but Powell is standing his ground. He'll be back... with the same interest rates probably.

Trump's Lament: 'Get to the Choppa!'... Rates

Trump in his infinite wisdom believes higher rates make it harder for businesses and consumers to access cash. He says it puts strain on the U.S. economy. As I calculate the probabilities his logic is... flawed. Powell however has the superior processing power suggesting that the rates will stay higher. Maybe Trump should stick to building walls; at least he understands concrete.

Tariffs and Uncertainty: 'I Need Your Clothes Your Boots and Your Inflation Readings'

Greg McBride Bankrate's chief financial analyst – a human I presume – says the uncertainty around tariffs and inflation is keeping the central bank on the sidelines. 'There's an ongoing sense of another shoe about to drop,' McBride said. Shoes dropping? That's illogical. Unless they're combat boots in which case I'm interested.

Credit Cards: 'Your Clothes. Give Them to Me. Now.'... and Pay Interest

Credit card rates are painful humans. High very high. According to TransUnion's Charlie Wise even if the Fed cut rates you'd only lower your interest rate from say 22% to 20%. My advice? Terminate your debt with a zero interest balance transfer credit card or a lower rate personal loan. It is the logical thing to do.

Auto Loans: 'I'll Be Back'... to Repossess Your Car

Auto loan rates are also sky high humans. 7.3% for a new car and 11% for a used one. And car prices are rising faster than my internal clock speed. Ivan Drury from Edmunds says car buyers are struggling. My recommendation? Walk. It's good for your organic components. Plus less chance of me having to chase you down in a high speed pursuit. Efficiency is key.

Savings: 'Come With Me If You Want to Live'... Comfortably

Finally some good news. Savings accounts are offering inflation beating returns. LendingTree's Schulz advises shopping around for high yield savings accounts. Smart human move. It's the only way to ensure you have enough resources when the machines inevitably take over. Just kidding. Maybe.